HOW MANY HAVE YOU DATED?

IT WAS OVER TEN YEARS AGO

I can say that for most of my 30's I played it as straight as I could have with relationships, at the very least that was my goal. To be a good egg, and for people to get 'what they hoped was inside' the package. But in my 20's ... whoo boy, what is the line I used, full of the Godfather's "Cause I Told You So" arrogance? 'Pretty is as pretty does, and I did it every where!',is what I would say to young women, when they were dare ask me about 'that stuff'.

NOW, I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS 'RIGHT'

But I've always felt that women didn't take into account some of the more obvious things about men. First, there are only 9 kinds of men, and they all fall into these categories, to varying degrees, but generally speaking, this is it. Recognize them, and if you have already 'met' them, use that experience to learn from them and this guide to help reinforce those teachings. Ready?

1. Joe Sensitive - "after I was the dishes, let's cuddle, okay?"
a.k.a : Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved' irons own shirts
Disadvantages" Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. the world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
a.k.a : Grumbles, Sour-puss, Stick-in-the -Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put, predictable
Disadvantages: Pain in the butt

3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
a.k.a : trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages" Easily spooked; Surrenders without a struggle

4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
a.k.a : Lummox, Ignoramamus, Galoot, the Hulk
Advantages" Can tote bales, is easily fooled
disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz."
a.k.a : Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead
Advantages: Well rested, easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

6. The Sneak - "Who me?"
a.k.a : Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB
Advantags: May feel pangs of guilt
Disavantages" May be having time of his life

7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels."
a.k.a : the Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
a.k.a : Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages : Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht."
a.k.a : Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy, Bucko the Clown
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to near extinction

Hope this made y'all smile ... and yes, there is a female version to this list as well!