Thursday, February 19, 2009

HOW MANY HAVE YOU DATED, pt. 2

Now these are broad generalizations ... list that has made the rounds and I've kept it because it was funny to me. Now, you can raise your hand in front of the monitor if you recognize any of the following descriptions ... you don't have to tell anyone if it resembles you or not, they likely already know!!



THE NINE TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS



1. Ms. Nice Gal - "tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have."

AKA: what a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat
Advantages- Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly
Disadvantages- May wise up someday


2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing-no talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?"
AKA: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans


3. Sickly - "Oh my head, my head. My feet. My cramps."
AKA: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look!
AKA: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain
Advantages: Often right
isadvantages: Often right, but so what?



5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home or hair color?"
AKA: the Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I've done it before. It's fun!"
AKA: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable, Drives off cliffs


7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in thos silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
AKA: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your Friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends


8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
AKA: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud


9. Ms. Dreamgirl (or Beth!) - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel."
AKA: Ms. Right, goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One
Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibted
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

3 comments:

Beth said...

Mark, you made me laugh out loud! And you are WAY too kind. :)

Love, Beth

Ken Riches said...

I would say more like Wild Mars Dreamgirl :o)

Miss A said...

I stumbled upon this post and found myself laughing out loud...I would like to believe I am a combo of 1,8, and 9 :-)