... IT'S NOT JUST FOR BRUNCH ANYMORE
Getting over it. Nebraska is the only person I have found in my adult hood to explain the reason for my falling out with the Fly Skimmie. Anywho, the Beverly Hills Grille was nice, and was actually the perfect setting for our sit down. We got to talk about where we are now, where we were recently, and where we are aiming for.
YES, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WASN'T ON THE LIST
I don't know what the Fly Skimmie was feeling ... but I know what I felt, once we got over issues that were a by-product of each other. At this age, after being told I was her second longest non-familial relationship, we can say pretty much what needs to be said to one another and stay 'in bounds'.
Relating what I think has happened with the three previous 'Exes' (while Hutch and I were not romantic, for this purpose, he is in play) Hutch, Mookie and Tee Jay, being with the Fly Skimmie, I confirmed a conclusion that I reached when I revisited Mike Singletary the other day ...
IT'S ME
That is what Mook, Hutch, and Tee Jay have in common. The cat they once knew is 'different', and apparently for them, not different in a good way. Don't want to be bothered with me, okay that is fine. Brother can take a hint. Another reason I don't have no nevermind about Mookie (or anyone else, really), and I had actually came to this point watching the press conference. In taking a true inventory, I had to also process myself in the equation.
Perhaps they don't want to be bothered with me. I mean, I don't think I am too much trouble, decidedly low maintenance. But like the old folks say, you never can tell. They could project me different, like one scouting service rating someone as a top 15 pick and another having the same cat going in the middle of the second round. In the group of real numbers, the difference between 12 and 37 is 25, but in the economics of football, it ends up being millions of dollars.
Maybe that is what Tee Jay thinks ... this isn't saying that she was insincere with what she told me. That was based on the Mark SHE KNEW. He isn't here anymore. Same with Hutch. And being honest, Mookie really didn't start to change, until I BEGIN to change.
...left with all the good things that I can remember ...
Discussing my 'point of contention' with the Skimmie, had to hear a lot of things not just from her side of that point factually, but also from her subjective view. Needless to say, it hurt to hear. For a long time ... what I thought was ... not worth mentioning, especially when I have to hold it up to what she said. Yet, I can't help but feel its validity(from my perspective), and think it would have been huge to have resolved this a decade ago.
Now, me and her go WAY BACK, for real. We have known each other since before we even really knew ourselves. So what does this all mean?
KEEPING IT REAL
She works for a international corporation, and is up for a international post. She should know about it within the next 30 days. Me, this time next year, I better be packing my bags, if I am still here. And if I am not 'here', then I am in Nebraska. I told her about my theory, and why I think that it makes sense. Not to beat a horse (besides, it is cruel and inhumane!), I told her that 'everybody is gone', and as much as I have flitted about in my life, I am itching to go Nebraska, seeking my destiny.
*shrugs* It was good that we talked. And I am sure that we will again. How do I know? Because she mentioned that I rarely call her or email her, and that she looks forward to hearing from me again. Yes, I am going to acknowledge that there were some 'sparks', though as for that, there wasn't any of that of 'tension' between us. Oddly, there never has been ... and THAT is a digression from anything of relevance.
I did want to post my feelings, while they were still fresh and to keep up the continuity. I am actually going to get back on my path, and continue on with what is constantly on my mind.
RULES TO LIVE BY. Glad that I thought to write them down. And I will share some of them with you, and what they mean to me.
3 comments:
Ouch Man, always tough to take some truth right across the chin.
Good to know that you have changed and moved on, no longer the person you used to be. Seems that others are stagnant and have not moved on.
Personal Growth is an awesome thing.
Sounds like it was a good talk, if somewhat hurtful. At least it made you realize somethings.
If someone stops "growing" along the way, they sometimes resent others who constantly try to improve themselves and learn things about themselves. They look at you, see that you've moved on and grown personally, and realize that they haven't. They probably wonder "What the hell happened to me?"
All speculation, of course, but that's my take on it.
Love, Beth
Ha! I'm loving catching up with you piece by piece. What all the others don't like is what you talked about a few post back. Finally finding that place to want someone to ask, what do you want? Your not bending and contorting your views anymore to fit snuggly with everyone else. They want the yes man, the guy who thought what they wanted was all that mattered.
In short, they're rather selfish human beings for all that.
I'm so relieved you saw it for what it was. Surround yourself with people who see YOU as you are, no illusions/delusions just you. (Hugs)Indigo
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