THE OFFENSE OF THE FUTURE

ME & THE RUN AND SHOOT

Even with the confidence boost that my Aunt had given me, I felt more like a nerd in denial ... like one of the guys on 'Big Bang Theory', the cat who lives with his Mom. Sticking with that show, this week showing how Leonard and his new girlfriend are getting along, sorta ... puts me in the mind for another kind of entry, that is related to this series (ever since the show 'less than perfect', I have been diggin' on actress Sara Rue!)

But Howard is the guy I could picture ... someone who was unaware of his obvious limitations, which were clear to everyone who saw and knew him, but he didn't know it, until he actually had to BE the confident ladies man he wasn't!!

When the 'run and shoot' made it to the NFL, one of the things that made it appeal to me, other than it was the offense of the Detroit Lions, is that I remember reading about how it helped 'compensate' for less talented teams. That stayed with me ... because I wanted to compete ...

Unorthordox, and risk taking ... it did seem like 'the offense of the future'. Some of the things it did, was take what you already had on offense, and put it to good use, if you didn't have all the standard 'horses' to play straight up. In dating, this translated in taking the things that I was already 'good at' and instead of letting them be a drag, letting them stand out.

I was (am?) a dandy-ish kind of cat. Little different for the times, a second or two ahead of the metrosexual wave, it was easy to write me off as 'closeted'. But it was what I had to work with, so I did. Lots of the things that guys may 'fake' just to get close, were things that I actually liked to do ... going shopping and to see plays and other 'oddly sissy' stuff (I say 'odd' because I don't get why it wasn't ever considered manly).

That is what the run 'n shoot was about for me. Being wide open and aggressive. Like the offense 'spread the field' as it comes at you in a four reciever formation, daring you to either match up or get beat by faster players than you have in a 'base' formation. It lets you know, we are coming at you and what are you going to do about it!

DON'T TREAT YR GIRL WRONG, FELLAS ...
... cause I will 'do' your girl! When I first adopted this ideal, I still wasn't 'popular'. But I was a good friend for women and after listening to a few of them complaining 'why can't he be more like you, Mark', I began asking 'well, why don't YOU decide to be with me, then!' And the first time that it worked, a light bulb, dim as it were, went on in my head.

Women, I'd soon discover, are just as insecure as anyone else. They use words as their shield and weapons, to fend off guys. But I liked words and I like to talk. So I would actually LISTEN to women, and figure out what they were really trying to say. I had to develop a tough skin, from being picked on and stuff ... so being rejected wasn't something that worried me.

Eventually, I would 'roll up' numbers that are typical of the ol' run and shoot. Ooh ... I hope y'all get what I am saying. Part of what I would do is pick up on the little things, the things that their boyfriends weren't paying attention to, the things that they were doing to make themselves more noticeable.

It would be nothing for me to ask what a woman was doing different about their nails or what did they use to make their skin soft. I knew how to approach and suggest a different hairstyle, or what they should wear to make themselves appear more flattering. Because their boyfriends were out trying to be 'playa, playa', it left the back door open for Jody ...

... and I used to tell 'em in the service ... I'M JODY!

AND LIKE ALL THINGS, THE RUN AND SHOOT CAME TO AN END

Andre Ware and David Klingler were two of the biggest names produced by the run and shoot in college. Did NOT do anything as a professional, with Andre Ware being drafted by the Lions, and should have been a natural fit. Unfortunately, there were weaknesses to the high powered attack, and it was good for some things, it wasn't built for winning big in the playoffs. And in relationships, it meant it wasn't good for long term, loving relationships.

Leaving broken hearts behind me, also left ME unfulfilled. It took a lot out of my sex drive, which has stayed pretty low since the mid-90's. I have told myself, that I was leaving too much of myself with people, and did not really get it until I ran into Nixxie and Pecan Sandie.

Though Nixxie and I were more 'friends with benefits', Sandie really tried to make a partner out of me. She came into my life at a very tumltous time, and was very willing to sacrifice to pull me out of my mess, so that WE COULD have a future. She came with me when I would visit Skye, she stuck by me during my crapping out as a fighter, and when she toted the mail, getting the three of us (Lexxie was on the scene at this time) the ATL, what more could she have done?

SOMETIMES, IT IS LIKE A PRECIOUS JEWEL...

... and love can sit in the palm of your hand. Because you aren't used to handling something so delicate, you don't know how to handle it properly, and you crush it, clumsily. From My Delta Girl, then to Pecan Sandie, I felt that I had really, really mugged up two great chances to be married and in love. How many more chances would I get ... many people don't even get HALF of the opportunities that I have in my life to find love. And this is in no way representative of the 'yardage' I had rolled up running the offense of the future ...

Mind now, the only 'guilt' I feel, is that it took so much for me to learn how to be better ... cause like Maya Angelou says, "when I knew better, I did better." And I would take that attitude into my next relationship, which would be Tee Jay. Sometimes, when I read or even talk with folks, male and female, it is a chore for me to reign in myself, because there is experience knowledge and taught knowledge. And in questions of love, sometimes only experience will do.

That is why sometimes, I am hard on myself, because when I was running the run and shoot, I really wanted 'to be loved, just like everyone else does'. I did a lot of whining and internal pity parties, to justify my actions. All I can do, is repeat 'now I know better', and go from there. And so I have.

SO KNOW YOU GET WHY

I would rather be up front with Tee Jay. Do I feel something is 'there'? Yes I do, but it won't be easy ... and I still haven't any reason to change my orientation. I still don't want to be here ... but that is me. Maybe higher up the chain of command, I am supposed to be here. If so, then so be it.

Well, that is done. SD has been since written out of the script, her character never expected to reappear. AKA, has emailed me, but I haven't read it. Maybe next week, when I feel up to explaining the new 'what's what' with her. Then she can either call me names and never call, or ... naw, who am I kidding? She is just going to call me names, never call and I will get over it. That this is done, this part of my personal re-examination, I can finish getting ready for the new year, and look forward building my future. I mean, I still have one, right?