Monday, October 20, 2008

OPEN LETTER

Now, I am hoping that I can get better responses than I did for my recipe suggestions ... I really would like to do something special with a lasagna! Anywho, here is a letter that hasn't been sent, but may get sent. Make correction and ID any additions you would make to someone you still love, and who might, just might, still love you as deep. Hold on, cause here we go!

Tee Jay,

The more that I think about you, the more I can remember.

I remember you taking me to a place in Dearborn, some sort of suites and it was an event you planned out in detail. It was totally unexpected and no one had ever done anything like that for me before you.

There was the first fight we went to in Ohio with your cousin, and I don't know how y'all put up with me 'sparking' all over the place. I was fuming because I could only knock the cat down, and didn't get a stoppage. Who knew I was such a sore winner? How did you put up with me ..?

Especially the time I went away to spar and the cat was handing it to me on a daily basis. I don't know I could have lasted the contract out, if not for you putting up with my calling like a homesick child at his first sleep away camp! Glad that I had you behind me, pushing me into the ring!

Oh, I remember seeing you pay your respects to my Mother, even with me having my head up my butt. You could have been forgiven for not showing up. But you did, and I do remember it. That is why me and my Best Sister thought we would eventually get back together, because if you knew how much my Mom liked, and I mean LIKED you ...

Then there was the time you allowed me to get drunk for New Year's and you didn't 'gig' me too badly for the eventual calling of everyone drunk cousins -- Ralph and Earl!

I recall a Piston game in Auburn Hills, we went to as a family, and not just because it was the first time I saw Ben Wallace up close (he played for Orlando then, and he looks WAY bigger in person than on the telly), but because I was certain that we were well on our way to marriage.

And of course, I remember looking into your eyes and seeing the most love anyone other than my Mother had for me in them. I could only hope that I was keeping up with you, and giving you that love back.

One of the reasons I went back to Mookie, was that I am sure that I have already been with my 'wife'. I also wanted to be with someone who knew how I could love them, and would be willing to let me give my love to them. That is what I want, to be loved and to love someone in return. I thought that Mookie knew, but she apparently didn't.

Not going to pretend that I don't know what I am getting myself into. I knew what it was going to be like, but I had to be certain that I could deal with the 'thin air' of being committed to someone, even if they were 'less than' committed to me. Could I indeed 'take' what I have 'given out'? Because I am sure that is what it would take whoever I am with, that there would be an ebb and flow to things before it found its 'height'.

So I dealt with the disappointment, the emptiness, the grief, so that I could be strong enough to be there for all the good that a potential relationship has to offer me ...

... when I found her. Again.

You never gave me any reason to worry. You could have done what ever you wanted while you were with me, don't know if it would have mattered to me. I don't think I had ever loved and trusted a person as much as I had you.

Still do.

These are the things that comes to mind when I think of what we had together. I took so much for granted, never in any endeavor of my life, had I left so much 'on the table'. There is nothing I ever wanted to do over more, than that time in our relationship where I let you go. So much was still on the table for us ...

Hope this covers the 'what I remember' from our relationship. Hopefully I have been able to 'recall' enough of 'us' for you. Can't wait to see you again. Be well.

Love always,
Mark

FOR REAL. Either do a 're-write' in your comments or email me @ markonit@aol.com, and I will make the change. Offer closes on Thursday morning!

8 comments:

a corgi said...

Mark I like the letter; I think it is beautifully written; I wouldn't change a thing with it (except the part about your head and where it was at; that might be reworded just a bit -- the paragraph when you are talking about Tee Jay being respect for your mom); unless you guys usually talk like this back and forth, know what I mean? certain couples get into slang/lingo whatever you want to call it that works for them

otherwise, I think it is a great letter!

I'm not a cook otherwise I'd offer a suggestion for the lasagna, I just make it your typical way, noodles, ground meat with spaghetti sauce and somewhere I put in the ricotta cheese, but I can't remember because its been ages since I made one. I do better with spaghetti; got that one down

hope you are doing good :)

betty

Beth said...

I won't do a rewrite...but I will ask you, do you really want to send this? I'll just say that maybe you should either go all in with Tee Jay or go all in with Nebraska. Do you think it's good to split your affections between the two? If you want to try to mend fences with Tee Jay, I say go for it. You obviously still have much love for her. Focus on that, maybe!

Love ya,
Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I admit, I am a little confused. I know you have some lingering feelings for Tee Jay, but your goal has been to get to Nebraska. Are you getting sidelined by distractions, or is this what you really want. There is no in-between here, you should pick.

Indigo said...

Me? I would send the letter as is, it's beautifully, heartfelt written. I'm not confused, it's sort of what you and I talked about. Seeing what's in front of you now and what today has in store for you, instead of looking far into for tomorrow before it's here. I do believe in second chances and if you don't give this one, one then...your always going to wonder. The wondering won't let you move to far forward.(Hugs)Indigo

Monica said...

I wouldn't offer to rewrite - my writing sucks. What I read was heart felt and that's what you want, she will know if it's you writing or just words from somme one else.

As for the lasgna, you also don't want advice from me in the kitchen.

Sigh, I'm starting to feel like a real failure now, can't cook, can't write, can't dance, and please don't ask me to sing unless you want to hear all the neighborhood dogs howl!

Monica

Monica said...

Okay, let us now add can't SPELL! Lasagna/lasgna and some was somme. Wood u beeleave me if I tuld u my keybrd is stcking?

Monica

I'm Just Musing said...

Why change anything? The letter is what you feel, not what anyone else feels, the letter has to come from you, not me, not any off your other followers.

Paul

Malagutigrrl said...

Beautifully written.
Send it if you're sure you want to move forward with this.
However, what makes it good is that it conjures good feelings about your past together and lingers not on your feelings now. It gets the point across without being pushy. I don't think it will make her feel like she's got to make important decisions TODAY. Know what I mean?
Good Luck, Brother,
xo
MJ