Wednesday, September 3, 2008

... riding on impulse power ...

ABC Days ...

... in other words, keep it simple.  The tasks that I have set before myself for the rest of this week, the rest of this month are pretty fundamental and basic tasks.  Most of the hard stuff is over.

I have found, at least for me, that THIS is the time that the mistakes that could have derailed everything occur.  So I am keeping things simple and basic, which means no AKA, no getting excited over Tee Jay calling, and no wistful hoping for Nebraska (the person) for a bit.  The Bobby Knight quote, "Winning isn't fun, winning is hard work," fits here.

My mind's eye has changed ... I figured out why Sage Steele tweaks me ... because I think I want to try something different.  It is part of the reason why even though Tee Jay would not mind dating me again, I am not in a rush to do it.  My therapist did suggested that I find a 'movie partner', and I wonder if Tee Jay would be cool with that.

One of the things she has working for her, is that my Mom liked her ... A LOT.  She didn't care for my First Wife, and tried get me to slow that mess down.  In getting to know my Mother, she also knew that I cared for her a lot, because my Mom told her that "Mark hasn't stayed in Detroit this long since I had to give him milk money!"

I have also told her what is in my heart and mind.  She knows that I long to leave here as much as I have missed her ... which is greater?  Can't say right now, only that I have already told myself that I am going to leave here.  The more momentum that builds towards leaving, is going to make it incredibly difficult to stop after awhile.

Fail Safe is still a ways away ...


The Wall of Voodoo song, 'Call of the West' has had me move from Carolina, to Georgia, and from the provencial town where Mookie lives.  It is what I think about when I am going out into the great unknown, to see a place where I have never been, to put in the past the places that I have already seen.

Sometimes I get a little teary at making such a huge jump.  Though I have done it before, I was a bit more resilent and there is a certain good thing about being young and stupid when you are doing some super intense skateboarding and BMX'ing ... and when you are trying to learn how to 'be' as you grow into adulthood.

I feel challenged at facing women in my age group, stuck in being either 'Cinderella' or a 'Sleeping Beauty' ... still waiting for a Prince Charming based on standards that they themselves fall far short of.  Sort of make me want to introduce them to a mirror, and show them why that Doctor or Lawyer chose not to meet you at the Dew Drop Inn and drink Olde English with you and your crew on Grand River ...

Mookie was a 'Sleeping Beauty', hoping some cat could take her away from the mundane things about her life ... which is cool, but very unrealistic.  What did SHE do to make herself a perspective mate for that Doctor cat ..?  I mean, their wives usually have degrees and class to themselves ...

My ex-Wife (AKA had explained the designation to me-, so now she is an ex-Wife), is a deluded Cinderella.  Man, if it would take up so much space, the things she used to think when we were together ... anyway, she isn't the best housekeeper ... NEVER was.  Could do this, could do that (as if this and that were related) but didn't.  Her priorities were so very whacked out, and still are judging by what I am told, that she is doomed to an endless spinning in her small circle.

As to what lies ahead ... well, I want to finish this year strong.  Keep things going forward, and avoiding setbacks.  Would like it if I could find my way out to Nebraska (the place ... I know y'all can tell the difference, but it is fun doin' this!), and visit, because there are some other things I would like to find out ... doing my own 'reconnoitering', if you feel me.

That is why I am trying to let 'My Experience Work For Me' ... I know what I can do, I just have to go out and do it. 

I think I am due for a little cry.  My legs are still sore from the change in my running program, so that is out!  Anyway, I am going to get some cookies from the Astoria bakery and listen to TV On The Radio ..!


luvrte66 said...

I like your Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella analogies. It wasn't until I spent some time alone and got my s*** together that I was capable of being totally committed to a relationship...and once I got it together, it seemed like the relationship of a lifetime almost (ALMOST) fell right into my lap.

To me it's being active rather than passive in your search. Just sitting back and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right doesn't work. You are active in your search for the right one, as well as active in your search for improvement within your self.

That's why I know good things will happen for you.

Hugs, Beth

lv2trnscrb said...

seems like a good way to spend the afternoon with cookies and listening to TV on the radio; a good cry is also good too; I find it cleansing and a good stress reliever

I liked how you did your analogies with Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty

I keep saying this, Mark, but you are focused on what you want; you will achieve your dreams and goals, all of them, in probably really close to the time you want to, too.


buckoclown said...

Here is hoping that you "win" for the rest of the year.  I know you will make a visit to Nebraska, the place <LOL> a priority.