Friday, September 19, 2008

Loving Can Be An Art

Veruca Salt

The band, not the character from 'Willy Wonka'.  Listened to their song 'Seether'.  Cool friggin' Beans!!


... so I always, ALWAYS have focused on finding out whatever made my partner tick.  That was where the challenge lay, and I won't pretend that I didn't put up some decent numbers.  When asked for an exact amount, I generally say, 'For a cat like me, who was in the Army, boxed professionally, and was cute before you came around, how many would you say?'  And what ever number came out, I would roll with it.  Would I want to know how many she (whoever 'she' ends up being)?  Yeah, but not for the reasons one may think.  Though it is related, it isn't this entry.

This is about how I can keep from jumpin' peoples bones, even when they are leaving clues and directions to it.


Is she skilled?  Is she talented?  I don't know.  I didn't like it when we were being 'adult' before.  Besides her 'performance', there were other nitpicky things, like the fact I either 'hosted' her or we went to a 'neutral site'.  Made me feel uneasy, as that is a sign that someone has someone else.  Uh, there is NO COOCHIE that is to die for.  I would end up finding out why it was that way, which is more 'rabbit hole' stuff.  Anyhow, talking about her performance is enough.

She isn't the only 'Linda Lovelace' I had to deal with.  Mentioned before, I feel takes work, along with skill to help a woman reach her climax, and it means that as a partner, more forethought has to go into it.  I do a fair amount of 'reading' a person, seeing what kind of touches they respond to, the 'boudoir language' and a host of other aspects of sexuality that would make their experience more intense.  As for me, a touch here, a kiss there ... mainly that my partner would do more than just 'wait for it' is good enough to keep me going.

Again, I don't know if anyone has ever told her she was good at this or not.  I have been on both ends of that spectrum, some say I was 'the man' and other would demand a refund if they had to have purchase what I was selling!  I simply put on my coal miner's hat, as my intent is to 'go deep'.

In good, healthy sexual relationships, reciprocosity is a big part of it.  That so many adult women have to be 'enlightend' says a lot as to the state of their relationships, IMO (uh, nervy cat, ain't I?), but this isn't that entry.  I don't care to discover why she thinks that 'playing comatose' is a perfectly good option for a session of lovemaking, or why saying, 'don't climax' after a half hour is fine for someone who isn't getting hot and sweaty and smelly (which I don't like doing ... not into the 'marinating' thing) and lying in the 'wet spot'.  Oh come the hell on!  Get off me, cause you outweigh me, and I want to get a Coke and a shower!

Things haven't started 'pinching' yet, so I am not yet pressed.  Just knowing I would eventually feel something akin to 'buyer remorse' dulls whatever I am feeling that relates to being horny.  In my 20's, being a little arrogant and decidedly less sensitive than I am now, I would 'break the glass' and pull the alarm.  Today, I sit here unwilling to drum up the emotionally energy, and find the wherewithal for something that isn't going to even be satisfying to the indulgent side of me ... not to mention the 'pillow talk' and the post coital recap ...


While I like Camile Paglia's stuff, it was Dworkin's 'Woman Hating' that started me to really reforming how I viewed women and relationships.  Working to see 'all' of a woman, I found myself being attracted to someone I can share 'space' with.  With both Tee Jay and My Delta Girl, you could see us in different departments in a store and know that we belonged to one another.  That AKA may or may not (because I don't ask her about things like that ... ) be feeling that strongly enough about me to make that claim, is unfortunate.  She is a nice looking girl, but based on some of HER OWN WORDS, and from other observations I have made of her, I can't 'see' her as sexy.

Or as a potential partner.  Scratch another off the 'Ex-List'.

Next issue: More Grown folk talk!


luvrte66 said...

"Levolor, which of us is blind, Levolor, kept me in the dark..." Love Veruca Salt! "Seether" is a great one.

You wrote this: "...other nitpicky things, like the fact I either 'hosted' her or we went to a 'neutral site'." I think that is such a red flag, and I was involved with someone like that a long time ago. Or they've met your friends and relatives, but you've never met theirs...what the hell? To me, it was either a matter of keeping things "secret," or of having something to hide. I look back at that now, and I could just kick myself for putting up with it for so long.

I think once you get to a certain age, you realize there's a lot to be said for quality. And I think you realize you're a little more "valuable" than you ever thought you were. As MC Hammer said, "Can't touch this!" Ha ha!


frankandmary said...

I see very few men as sexy, as in: I really want to see you naked & sleep with you sexy. VERY FEW. So I get it. I like to watch how a new person responds as conditions change, & that usu cuts half of them off after the second date also. I guess I better get used to evenings with good books & my kittens :-). ~Mary

buckoclown said...

Glad you are keeping to your standards and plan, and not getting dragged into some drama.  

lv2trnscrb said...

I liked Mary's comment :)

(I read your entry; I can't think of a comment to write, but did want you to know I read it :)

hope you have a great weekend!