Monday, September 8, 2008

After the Ecstasy ...

... the dishes ...

Hope y'all had a nice weekend.  Mine was, well ... get right to it.

Last week, a friend had a moment where they had to confront something that made them ask about themselves.  I want to believe that I had a moment like that moment, a few weeks ago.

I was watching a reply of a boxing match on ESPN Classic and there was one cat, whose approach, skills, and style was eerily similar to another fighter that I know, me.

For that period of time, I was hypnotized, as it seemed I was anticipating the same things he was, reacting just as he did.  At my best, he fought like I would have, facing the opponent that he faced.

The old feelings rushed into me, the adrenalin squishing out as I threw punches, feinted, and blocked punches.  It made me think of a question AKA has asked a while ago, when we were in her car, and we saw a cat on a scooter.  I used to ride the souped up scooters, an old Helix and she would make fun of me, as she rode a Buell.

She asked me did I miss riding one ... and I told her the only thing that I miss is boxing.  Everything about it, from the preparation, the daily training and sparring, the travel to face the unknown, taking only what you hope is the best that you have, and leaving it all there ...

Prolly shouldn't ever do anything close to it ... no one said that I couldn't, but hey, things prolly would be better if I never put on a glove again.  But I have held it out as a carrot, that I would let myself do 4 - 6 rounds of sparring a month, if I really got into fight shape.

Nothing to intense, just get in with a beginner or young kid and just walk around for a bit.  Talk some trash, offer some instruction, and just be in that moment, for a little while, taking what I can of it.

Won't make a promise that I won't ever have someone lace my gloves.  Mookie, bless her heart, I think gave away most of my gear, to keep me out!  I am going to getanother 'gym bag' ... after all, you only go around once, and since you don't know if you will go around any more ...

Hope Nebraska (the person) will understand when I get there.  I am sure we would have to talk that thing out.


I really do, because Pecan Sandie made sure that Lexxie and I have a relationship.  She didn't have to, and for a second, didn't think she would want to.  Though she tried, that mercurial anger of hers was bubbling out too often for me.

Her and my darling brother were fast friends.  When she came up for her visits, her and Lexxie, he would take them to watch him skate and coach.  We'd go down and fall around Hart Plaza skating.  It was good times ...

As I get set to see him, I am thinking about how when she came to Detroit (what's up with all these Coney Island's?) the first time, and I took her back to Carolina, she said that she understood me a little more.  She could see that it wasn't an 'act', but just the environment I was brought up in, and how it impact me.  She got a chance to meet my ex-wife and see Skye.

Why couldn't we have worked things out?  I wasn't going to take the chance of her giving me a 'hot grease' facial because she broke a nail.  And that was that with that.  But I do legitimately love her, because I can still see the things that I wanted to see in her ...

... and I leave her alone because I can also see the things that I don't want to see in anyone.


AKA tonight ... Hutch later in the week ... today IS my birthday!  It is #41 for me, and I am glad for it!

Tee Jay did call and we talked.  She is more of the laid back type regarding my birthday, because I DO NOT CELBRATE IT.  Not a special reason, I just don't and haven't since I was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.  I much rather let the day itself go by, because I try to celebrate EACH DAY, you know?  That you want to do something special for me on one day, makes me wonder what was up with the other 364 opportunities you had to show me what I meant to you, you feel me?

Going out to dinner is actually a gift TO people.  The fact that you called and wished me one is quite enough ... now I have to get dressed and go somewhere an sit ... when I could be just as comfortable at home drinking tea and eating cookies watching the telly!


The heavy lifting to my Detroit experience has been done.  But the path is still winding, and the grade is still uphill.  Easy path, not as steep.  Clearer, not as treacherous, but there are things that could cause delays.

The atmosphere that comes with picking up and plopping down somewhere essentially sight unseen, is not an unfamiliar one.  There will be some differences to this, and those are things I am going to focus on for a bit.  Anywho, got to do some clean up stuff, and get ready for the next stage of my plan.


dougsbabygirl31 said...

Happy birthday Mark!!! And many more....


luvrte66 said...

I don't see why it would be so bad to spar a little bit--you obviously love it, and you could probably teach some of the kids a lot of stuff!

And while you might not celebrate your birthday, I wish you a very happy one, anyway! Hey, you're a fellow Virgo!

Enjoy your day, Mark!

Hugs, Beth

buckoclown said...

Happy day to you :o)

I think structuring your workouts with the goal of getting back in the ring to do some sparring is a great idea.  Just make sure you wear the right gear, we are not as young as we used to be <LOL>

lv2trnscrb said...

Happy birthday Mark!! I know you don't celebrate them per se, but I'm glad that people remembered it and want to take you out for dinner; I would imagine it would be hard to have given up something you loved so much (boxing) and was good at it, but realizing you needed to health-wise. I can see why you would continue to be drawn to it, too. I can equate it to how my husband is with playing the guitar; its his first love but he chose a career that was a bit more stable, but with his talent, he could have gone far if he didn't want a more conventional time schedule with the kids; but given a chance, he'd be performing again; if given a chance, I know you would want to box again; so I think I get it.


lisa41076 said...

Mark, you would be awesome company to go to dinner with, Hugs Lisa

malagutigrrl said...