Thursday, July 17, 2008

...taking advice ... FOR REAL

... but a TIRED PUPPY!

Work was wearying!  I want to think that I kept up, but won't be mad if I was told I was a little slow ... this is where you use the 'new guy' stuff to get over!

Caught the bus to get home and had to get off at Grand River and Oakman to catch another bus ... to say it is a chippy neighborhood would be redundant, so I won't.  No bus sign, so I am just standing there when the bus to take me home rolls up.  He didn't want to stop, but he only made me run a half block!  Cool, because I didn't want to have to call nobody, I am a big boy and can do this myself.

Got home, got settled and about midnight, I reached for my little note book to go over my thoughts, check my lottery tickets and that stuff.  Wasn't in my bag ... but I know I had it out to check bus schedules!  Could I have left it on the bus?  Or could I have dropped it?

We had thundershowers last night in Detroit, dontcha know!

So that meant that my little notebook, if not left on the bus, was sitting soaking wet.  And there really wasn't any choice.  I wanted it back so I got on my bike (it is 'repaired' but I am disappointed by the service) and rode out.  I was hoping to run into the driver on his route and about 15 minutes into the ride, I did!  The book wasn't on there, so I knew my only hope was to find it at the bus stop.  Did I want this thing that bad?

I got on my bike and kept on peddling towards it.

Detroit is rough town.  This was late, and it was wet from the showers.  I didn't want to catch a flat tire from the broken glass which decorates the streets, and I most DEFINITELY didn't want to get hit by a car OR shot, which are always real possibilities.  But I wanted that notebook. 

Being out that late reminded me of when I would train for fights and go out in the neighborhood,ten, eleven o'clock in the P.M. and run.  I was really just a nerveless little boy, a teenager.  I thought to myself, if a 15-year old kid could do this (and I know I would have), then a 40-year old non-virgin could too!

... and I did!

SCENE FROM THE BUS

The 'freight' was packed, stand room only.  I was lucky enough to get a seat in the back by the motor, as no one wanted to seat so cramped.  But it was other wise SRO, and if it wasn't 80 people on the bus, there wasn't one.

So the driver was irritated.  Crap bus whose fare box wasn't working, filled to near capacity with loads of others waiting at each stop.  Riders antsy because it is uncomfortable (though as for that, the air DID work) and me hoping that I don't break out in a sweat, and my Butterfingers don't melt (now Violet, how come you wouldn't think that I feel a little stressed right now?).  Then, this lanky, stumbling drunk of a man came unto the bus, with the bus driver bellowing as he pushed through to the back, "Let this man sit DOWN!  He's drunk and he is going to fall on somebody!"

He is also the cat who I couldn't beat in the amateurs.  We lived 3 blocks from one another.

He recognized me straight away.  As soon as he began talking, his 'file' clicked open, and he began to talk in the ramble that men like that have, going all over the place, making enough sense to be funny and not enough to make you think he has it all together.

Talked about the neighborhood and jr. high.  Talked about my Mother, who though he was a nice kid.  And he talked about Kronk.

For those who don't know, the Kronk gym was THE premier boxing gym BY FAR in the world.  From amateur champions, world champs in the pros, the Kronk seems to be full of them.

He was drinking cheap vodka, looking every bit the part of the buffoon.  I could sense the 'eye roll' and the crazy drunk rambling thoughts ... and I just listened to him, just like I did when I was a kid ...

Finally, he came to a stop after a wild cell phone conversation with a woman, his partner.  When he got off the bus, I smiled because I remembered how much my Mother liked him and how she said he helped her.

I also smiled, because I was wearing my A-shirt (that is a.k.a a 'wife beater' for fans of 'COPS'), so I 'looked the part'.  I told the other men back there, that yes, at one time, he was one of the better fighters in the country, and I only beat him once in five tries.  Sometimes, you just can't get out of your own way ...

...oh, and I was hoping no one started anything with him, because I WASN'T HELPING NO ONE..!  They laughed, but they have NO IDEA that I was serious, and that cat, if motivated, would have changed someone's life with a punch ...

... did I ever mention how 'small' Detroit is for me?  I ALWAYS run into people from my past, when I least expect to see them!

Like the call I got from the Fly Skimmie.  She is a senior level executive for a big placement agency.  She went to a site in Indiana to do a meet and greet.  Driving, she decided to give me a call.  Good conversation, and we made tentative plans to hang out.  We may, we may not.  I don't know ...

... Nebraska is all in mind.

BUT FIRST ... THE ADVICE

So I need to think 'less'.  I had already decided to cut down on the 'levels' I was working with, dealing and observing life through a less reflective prism.  So that I am carrying some of these entries over the days, means that is what is, and has been in my 'mind's eye' as a point of focus.

That is my way of 'thinking less'.  Focusing on fewer things.  Work is work and will take care of itself.  I clean and cook when I get the chance, and I get to sit and keep my own peace.  Looking forward to getting things going, and things are going well so far.

... so ... as to Nebraska ... what to say about her?

SHOULD HAVE DONE SOME OF THIS IN 'NAVY'

Long, I know ... but going to get some of this out.

I think she is beautiful inside and out, and has always been that way to me.  She speaks to something deep within ME and that is why I love her like I do.

Never asked her to feel the same or say anything like that.  This was something that was for ME to work thru, not her.  Does she has her 'issues'?  Yes, she does, and it isn't that I don't anticipate that were we to ever be a couple, that we wouldn't have or develop more.

There are a plenty of signs that says this should be a 'go' for ME.  Everywhere I look, all that I hear, confirm that leaving Detroit is the RIGHT decision and that there is no reason FOR ME to think that I couldn't find love with her.

Notice how I stress FOR ME.  No one is talking about 'her'.  This concept is getting clearer each day, that she is a great woman for me and that we would have that rare opportunity to have that fulfilling love.  But what does she think?  I don't really know, and I don't bother her with it.  That would be getting my priorities out of whack.  Yes, I want someone and want that someone to be her, but ...

... but this has ran long enough ... I just hope I can make the darn night ..!

2 comments:

luvrte66 said...

So did you find the notebook?!

I loved the encounter with your fellow boxer on the bus, especially that people thought it was funny about not starting anything...but you were dead serious. What's the old phrase, something about not poking a sleeping bear...?

Nothing wrong with breaking things up into smaller pieces to digest. If you've got a lot on your plate, sometimes you need to just take them one at a time.

Get some good rest tonight!

Beth

buckoclown said...

Glad you made it through the first night.  You never did mention if you found the notebook.

I do need to ask, should you discuss your feelings for Nebraska at all before you make plans to be there?  I would hate for you to go to a new place and end up in an unplanned place :o(