Wednesday, July 16, 2008

... Continued


... but no more than usual and nothing I can't deal with.  I am about 1/4 mile from the hotel, don't have to be there until 4 pm.  As ready as I am going to get!


... Fitness!  I am still doing my little work out routine, and today I even watched some FIT TV on the DirectTV this morning.  Personally, I have never cared for Gilad but he had a good routine going today ... can't recall the lady who followed his show, but she is real good.

They have a blonde girl at eight who works hard ... I have seen her show before.  The are all pretty good, and they use equipment that can be stored easily in the home.  The results they show is what you can expect ... after a few years of diet along with execise!  But the results will start showing in about six-eight weeks, and I believe when you start seeing the gain, you will intensify your work out ...

... raise the curtain


And at this age, I do believe that it is the failure to plan that makes most people unhappy.  They find themselves dealing with situations that are outside their expectations and they have no idea of how it came to be this way.  Can't say that I fit this profile.  It isn't that I don't make plans, but that I get distracted on the follow thru.

That is why AKA is going to be LEFT upset, and why I intend on moving on.  As I told her, she will either get over it or she won't, but not to expect me to remain idle.  I won't keep her strung out, that isn't part of my 'player game'. 

Forget that.  I want to be in love and have some one love me.  She has her issues with me, Mookie had hers, and that was fine.  Look down on me if you like, but YOU AREN'T A DAISY either, so stick that in your cap.

My primary problem with her presently is that she has in no way convinced me that she feels otherwise about me, from back when years ago we joked and she admitted she normally doesn't date cats like me, and doesn't date cats with children.  She said that, makes observations in passing (recently, she spoke of a friend of a friend who has 'extraneous' children), and when we have 'talk of the town' discussions, doesn't back away from being dismissive to the 'other side' in these broken down familial relations.

Now, I have told her TWICE that I understand and that I will work WITHIN that border.  Keeps me from feeling responsible for the crap SHE is dealing with ... "Inner Demons?"  ... CLEAN YOUR HOUSE ... the one YOUR PARENTS BOUGHT YOU ..!

She has emailed me a couple of times, though she knows I have no computer at home.  Good goat thinking, but I am not biting.  I told her that I apologized for some of the things I said, but what she wants, I am not giving her and I told her so.  Not in couched terms, but "No, I am not going to say 'sorry' for it, and if you don't want to work with it, then don't.  I'll not bother you."

"I am going to get over you.  I like you, and you did at one time mean a lot to me.  But you set the boundaries and I complied.  As to changing things, there is more to it than just, "Let's Up the Ante."  From what you told me you were going to do with yourself, we are heading in different destinations.  I told you I would hang where I can, and when you need to seperate, let you go."

"But I don't think you are going to do the same for me.  Fine."

That is about as close to what I said to her.  All of this had me thinking that this whole love thing needs a make over.  I won't spend the time in my life dealing with someone who doesn't think that being in love is worth the work and the risks.  When I used to box, me and my trainer had to have something else going, because I was putting my life in his hands.  The cats in Iraq are close and make those bonds because they are forged in blood.  I still remember the girl who got a medal for racing around doing her medic thing, under heavy hostile fire ... she trusted that cats had her back as she raced around doing her job ...

Someone who doesn't understand that kind of relationship, someone who isn't willing to forge one, isn't my kind of woman.  Period.

And that brings me to "What's up with Nebraska? <the person>"


luvrte66 said...

"Look down on me if you like, but YOU AREN'T A DAISY either, so stick that in your cap."

Oh Mark, I love that! I am smiling at your ability to call it the way you see it!

"Someone who doesn't understand that kind of relationship, someone who isn't willing to forge one, isn't my kind of woman.  Period."

And there is no way that you should "settle." You need someone who will forever and always be your greatest advocate, the person you trust completely to always "have your back," as you put it, and the person for whom you will always do the same. THAT is a true partnership.

All my best,

lv2trnscrb said...

I'm with Beth; just don't settle; you deserve more than just to settle with someone; you deserve someone who wants to love as much as you love; so don't settle for second best; keep waiting

good luck with the job! you'll do great; you're probably heading over there by now

I haven't followed too many fitness shows on TV; will have to check them out; got to say I'm enjoying going to the gym we signed up for; I like the variety of the aerobic machines (elliptical, bikes, etc)

take care of yourself

so, what is up with Nebraska, the person?


abaleman666 said...

sorry to hear job #1 didnt work out.  i did banquet for a summer, it SUCKED but it was all under the table and so hard to say NO too. i think labor ready is the temp service where you show up and they bus you to the job and you work and get paid the same day if that would work better for you.

i'm weird about having people from the private me see the me on the job to be honest.  for me to function in both worlds they need to be  separate entities.  i know that prolly sounds nuts but it's just me.  we have a couple of women i work with that have their hubby and brother their all the time... it annoys me( esp when i have to wait for hubby to get done making his wife's copies before i make mine). i do have a lot of anxiety about the private me getting the work me in BIG trouble too so please respect that. even v 2.0 never went to my job, not even when i was changing schools and moving all my stuff.  

ps.  you are right on the money walking away from the aka.

buckoclown said...

Stay true to yourself, and you will again find love.  I look forward to your Nebraska entry, cause I believe that is currently where your heart is :o)