OKAY, SOMETIMES I AM MORE THAN ...
"Chillin' ". But I do mostly chill. But before I get into Father's Day, let's talk about today and the advantages of ...
I only told YOU that it was Tuesday ... I left a voice mail saying I would be out there, THURSDAY. Too many natural disadvantages to allow for everyone to be 'set' and await me. So instead of a run this morning, I caught the bus out to 48336! Took awhile to get there, then there was another couple of miles of the ol' 'left-right-left' to finally find the spot.
They live in an off the main road apartment building (they being Skye, BJ, and My First Wife), and I had to call a cab to take me literally around the corner from where I called him from! That is fine, as I was battling the 'done enough's', as in 'I have done enough to try for this day, put it back on the docket!' Clearly, I hadn't as I came to see my daughter and I hadn't done that yet.
Give my First Wife her props. Nice diggs. Nice area. Good for her and the girls! Anywho, I buzzed their door and woke 'em up! I guess it was about 9 am, and the ol' ball 'n chain (so super apropriate, as she WAS the ol' ball 'n chain once, and she is OLDER than me!) came and we sat in the apartment lobby and talked. And talked. And talked.
A GUILT TRIP, THAT WAS FOR REAL
Was there hints and subtle innuendo about me and my first wife? You betcha! But I wasn't trying to hear any of that. Did she try to 'finish' disagreements that we had a lifetime ago? Sure. Was any of that of any relevance to me? Of course not! I just kept my eye on the prize, which was my little girl.
She is KUNG FU MEGA angry. She has become a disconnected person, save for the link she makes to with her Mother. In fact, her Mom worries that were something to happen to her today, who would Skye feel comfortable with? She isn't close with her sister BJ, and while she likes my peeps well enough ...
... and no Jocelyn, I did not DARE mention myself in that mix.
Mypoor Skye. I did tell her that with all that I know about her, and from what my peeps have said, I will tell you who I think she is -- me, with you for a Mother. You have a large personality and you carry a momentum whether you are right or wrong that kind of pushes people to the side.
Of course, she wanted some closure about us. I gave her some. I told her that she is the only person that I can honestly say, I was afraid of. It took me a LONG TIME to realize that, and most of it was due to her personality. So it isn't any wonder that Skye acts the way that she does.
Now, she had married a 'Mark', and her and Skye was close. But not at all since the divorce (why they divorced? Get me drunk, and I may tell), and for whatever reason, between having to share me and with that, she has a ill view of men and relationships.
Ooh. That is going to leave a mark.
We made talk for two hours, going back and forth between her wanted closure with us. I finally told her, I have 4 siblings who EACH have an 'incident' where you jumped me. Not excusing or justifying what I did in our marriage, but it isn't about what could have been done, the kind of person you were then, was ALWAYS going to make me react poorly. Please, get over it. No one blames you, and I wasn't an innocent. I just want to let Skye know that I am here.
At any rate, she was able to lure her out for an appearance. I told her that I was sorry and that I should have done better by her. My character isn't the kind that 'presses' people who don't want to be bother, but sometimes it takes being out of character for the people we love, to let them know that they are important to us.
I can only hope that you call me, and we can start to work on being Father and Daughter. I will prolly write you longer letters now, and your Mom have some that she can show you that I wrote her; ask her for them, because I want you to see that I did really love your Mother (once, a long time ago).
After that, the girls took me to the bus line, as I didn't know where it was. And I caught the bus and rode out.
FATHER'S DAY (officially unofficial!)
With 3 of 4 of the ladies I most wanted to check in with me, I will take what I got. Decided I would go to AKA's and wash her Pop's Lincoln and eat some food! Good enough deal to me, so I called and asked if that was workable, and don't you know, a thunder shower struck! She came and picked me up, but it put the kibosh on my plan to hit the car.
Met her sister in law and one more of her nieces, as her married brother stopped by. Later an Uncle and Aunt would fall through, and the Uncle being some kind of Union head in the Food Service industry, AKA had me hit him up for a job.
The interview is on Thursday!
AKA can cook, but this was ... not one of her better meals. Part of the reason is the weird dynamics in the house. This group is half second off, not enough to throw anything out of kilter at once, but over time, something will happen. A lot of what was prepared needed to be served and consumed warm, and the Dad was ... who know's what he was? A jerk comes to my mind, and everyone LET HIM BE ONE.
Well, you CAN'T do that to me. I will speak for myself when slighted, and that has been something that I think AKA likes about me, that when I do stand up for myself or feel 'punk'd', that I stand up straight and come back at the source.
Anywho, after I finished my meal, we watched a little telly. It was 6 pm, and since I got there around noonish, felt that it was time to go. I got up to walk (I have hiked 4k before ... nothing new!), but her Moms suggested that AKA gave me a ride. So she poutily took me home.
HANGIN' ON THE TELEPHONE
Cell phones are at once a gift and a pox. With the house phone, someone else could be on the phone tying it up, or another call could come in, and be for someone else. Not so much with a cell phone. Every call is for you, and you are making value judgements about the people in your life.
She called around 10 pm, as I knew she would. Later, after dropping me off, she went to one of the better parks, and sat there watching people enjoying themselves. She spied one particular group who seemed to be having a goodtime, from their 20's to 40's, doing whatever it was. She remarked that she used to be in a group like that, and I asked her what happened.
"Oh, we grew apart and lost touch."
"Really?" I relplied. "Funny, I thought groups that were tight like that NEVER lost touch or grew so far apart. What really happened? Perhaps you weren't as much of friends to one another as you led yourself to believe."
She then started making excuse and whining, whining and making excuses. I took my gloves off, and let 'er rip!
"Look, if you want someone to pity you, to share in your heartache, you have THE wrong person. I know what it is like to have a lot of potential and to have not achieved any measure of it. You do know, I could argue that I was a better student than you, and could be smarter than you. So why am I where I am?"
"Because young lady, like you, I have failed to produce. Not my overworked Mother, my absent Father, nor my hateful sister. It was ME. I sat at those crossroads, choose poorly and dealt hapazardly with the consequences."
"Just like you have."
"The incidents are different, but there are similarities in the mechanics ..."
At the library y'all. Nothing going on until Thursday. Oh, and maybe I will talk a little bit about my house, as there are things going on, there are things going on!
Enjoy Shabba Ranks!