Wednesday, June 25, 2008

... and like everybody else ...


The other day, I was reading journals, when a journal I read to made and "observartion" regarding the Adam (Pac Man) Jones incident with Don Imus.  My knee jerk reaction was that Adam Jones has ran across the law and good judgement too many times to lay claim to being a sympathetic figure ...

Now, I had made a good case, but afterwards I had some time to think about it.  First, Adam (since he DOESN'T want to be called 'Pac Man' any more) Jones is trying to do better, now that he knows better.  And there isn't a time limit on redemption, and that is something that I am counting on myself.

I felt like a hypocrite, lashing out at Adam Jones' plight with Don Imus.  Though objectively, I do feel we are selctively sensitive about issues and this isn't in the same league as his comments about the Rutgers' girls, I had to think about my problem ... it won't matter to Adam Jones, might matter to the journalist where I made my comment, but it HAS to matter to me.


I have spoken too much about living with my Dad, and the nephews and their sister too much, because the home life is a different kind of drain on me.  Not that hangin' with the Mook's wasn't taxing, just a different kind of an effect on me.  With the Mook's, I was central and a part of the machinery (or so I thought), here I KNOW that I am part of policy and can effect how some things are done.

This month, I bought groceries.  I don't get much from the goverment, barely enough for one person to stretch out a month.  But I don't know what was going on before I got here, especially about the kids.  So I ran an experiment by going shopping and seeing what was what.

Now the children's Aunt, who is about 13-14 yrs old herself, was running the house like the warden at Annie's orphanage!  I spoke to her, and I explained to her what I expected to happen with what I buy for next month.  "The shopping that I do," I told her, "is mostly for the children. If you can act like you have some sense, you can share, but because they can't go out and find themselves a meal, DON'T EAT ALL of their food."

I told her this, because I had bought some 'snack stuff', pizza rolls, taquitos, and the boy (Von and Ron) didn't know if they like 'em or not, becaue THEY DIDN'T GET ANY.

Having to detach from their spinnings and focus more on what I have to do, hurts.  But it will hurt more if I don't take better care of myself and focus on what I need to attend to.  Can't change the mindset of some people, and the gravitational pull of their lives has got them ...


... that I worry about myself.  Do know that I don't want to be anyplace that I don't feel comfortable in.  That goes for relationships too.  I am so done with 'convincing' someone that I am their guy.  They should tell me that I am ... it would be nice to hear for a change.

Haven't heard from the job, and I don't know if I should tell AKA.  But something may come up, as her Uncle saw me walking around as he drove by.  He is bound to ask for an update, and I will give him what he asks for.

*BIG SIGH*  Don't feel too 'upbeat' today.  Don't know why, just don't. 


luvrte66 said...

I've always thought it should come easier than having to convince someone that you're the one. I wasted way too much time in my youth trying to make my case. Life is too short.

I tried to send you and email about a comment you left for me but your "mailbox is full."

No need to feel upbeat all the time, but I hope you get back there soon.

All my best,

lv2trnscrb said...

I think we all have days we don't feel too upbeat, Mark; I'm hoping tomorrow and beyond will be better; it must be hard to be where you know you have to be, but wanting to be some place else when it all comes together and it will come together because you do work hard to follow your dreams


buckoclown said...

Shake it up a bit and get out of your funk!  It is OK to feel anxious and be down, but do not let it be a habit.  Maybe if you bought fruit and stuff, the boys would get a taste :o)

toonguykc said...

The price of basics is crushing what's left of the middle class.  When the disparity between the upper and lower classes increases too much you get recession... OR WORSE.


rdautumnsage said...

I'm like you in the aspect I would rather see the children get something than myself or another adult (way too many days spent watching my stepfather eat first and waiting for him to tell us it was ok to start eating). I used to go without just to make sure my younger sisters and brothers had what they wanted. As for Adam Jones it only takes one person to give the rest a bad name. Unfair...always but usually the case.

I have faith in you hon that you will get through whatever funk your in, at the moment. You do deserve someone who works at being there for you, as much as you work toward being there for them. It does happen I'm testament to that fact. (Hugs)Indigo