Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Just Mark being Mark ...

A GOOD SIGN ...

Saw another early morning runner yesterday!  We were going in opposite directions, and it ws just a welcomed sight, as you don't see too many folks jogging in the 'hood!  I felt more at ease in the environment, knowing that it had to allow for at least one other person who engages in what I do.

Because it was a true 'new' route and distance, I had my mind set on 'finish' and wasn't really trying to run hard.  Going out at a double time is easier than you think, and it lets me relax and think about things ...

MARY JO

... so keeping an internal cadence to myself, and letting the various songs play through my ear buds, I found another journalist, the aforementioned Mary Jo come to mind.  Seems that she is returning to perform, and that is just groovy to me.  To my understanding, it has been a long time between sets for her and I can appreciate her concerns getting ready for the stage.  I can sorta identify with doing something you love and are passionate about in front of an audience after a long layoff.  It isn't enough to get on and ride the horse, but to do it with the same panache that you did before, to ride it as well as you once did, that is the trick.

So I thought about how I would 'get her ready', you know, framing it in how I could help her out, she'd be like a fighter I was working with in the gym.  I would go to some of her rehearsals, letting her know that she is sounding better and crisper.  When it came time for the show, I would make sure all the 'loose strings' that could throw a performer off was clipped, at least as best as I could, then I would sit in the audience, and watch her do her thing!

... but that's just me ...

... ooh ... and it just HIT ME ...

I didn't go anywhere for the weekend, and it was a long one for me.  I was missing the Mook's, both little and big, though I did not call, I wanted to!  Tried to call Skye and her Mom ... figuring I could finagle an invite to a cook out somewhere when a pregnant pause turned into a realization ...

SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND ..!(I am thinking ... not confirming ..!)

Now it shouldn't matter between me and my daughter WHAT the Mom does in her personal life on paper, but in the real world, it does.  I have ALWAYS been cool about the men in my first wife's life, but other than her husband, they aren't so cool with me.  Just a note, hopefully nothing is going to come of it, but you don't know sometimes.

Finally, sometimes I indulge myself in a bit of make believe with Nebraska, wondering what it would be like if we grew up together and all that.  I tend to go back to high school when I'm am doing this.  She seems to think that I am stuck back there, because when I fantasize about 'us', I go back there.

One of the reasons is that high school experiences tend to be universal.  World History is world history, and everyone had to read Beowulf in a literature class.  There were the geeks and jocks, the sweater girls and the shy ones with glasses.

Two, because it WOULD have made a difference in my life's direction, if not hers.  I liked where I ended up going and what I was doing.  That was the first of three major overhauls in my life.  The next would come in my mid-thirties, and the last one is going on now, and is being chronicaled here.  I get to pretend for a little bit about being transported back into a time that never existed to a place that could have never been.  Isn't that what fantasy is about?

Third, it is relaxing and more importantly, it is FUN.  From Kant to Aristotle, great minds have understood the purpose of creating the world you want in your mind.  I think she has a problem with me sounding 'fixed' on her.  While she is a focus point, it isn't that I am pinning anything on her.  What do people like to tell me ... oh, I know ... "It's not that deep, Mark."

And really, it isn't.  I just want to keep my mind free, and let it roam where it does.  Anyway, hope y'all had a good weekend!

12 comments:

luvrte66 said...

Isn't that how changes are made and new things are discovered? Because someone imagined a different possibility and made it happen? I say keep on imagining!

Beth

lv2trnscrb said...

we did have a good weekend, thanks Mark! seems like you had a good insightful, perhaps mind opening weekend; good that you didn't call the Mook's; I know it is hard to keep the ties broken, but it is for the best especially since its only been a few weeks (I'm also speaking of myself, LOL, since I'm not trying to call my son but allow him to settle in, find his own path and call us)

looking forward to continuing to be a part of this overhaul in this part of your life; new beginnings are always good, aren't they?

betty

rdautumnsage said...

Beth said it for me below...Glad to hear from you hon. It is indeed or rather was a long weekend. Doc is suffering from food poisoning (somehow he didn't hear the words from my lips to his ears when I said "Raw clams might not be a good idea from around here"...), he just got back from the drs. today after the provincial shot in the ass. It's always strange to be in the same space as an ex with a boyfriend/girlfriend. I think in some ways more so for me, my ex husand (Skye's dad) ended up with someone who used to be my best friend(Can't stand one another now)..

As for MJ she's a great person and friend. I wish she knew just how many people are in her corner, cheering her on. (Hugs) Indigo

inafrnz247 said...

I think it's perfectly normal to fantasize about what if's and why's.  We all do it to some degree ~ some more than others (note myself included here), but it doesn't mean we're stuck in the past or anywhere else.  It simply means we wonder about things..... and to me, that's all good.  

What might not be healthy, is if we are unable to move forward for allowing the past to dictate what we do today or tomorrow, etc...  We can learn from mistakes, of course.  But to constantly look back and wish we had done things differently isn't helpful in the long run.  And I don't believe that's what you're doing.  

I like that you allow your mind to be free to consider all things.  

Michelle

buckoclown said...

Interesting how we all fantasize about different things and times in our lives.  My high school days were my low point; short - chubby - a brain - you get the idea.  My fantasies now are related to the path yet traveled, and the many possibilities.  Wishing you the same my friend :o)

fisherkristina said...

Very interesting blog, Mark.  I like how you are so honest about what is going on.  By the way, I am just wondering where you found my blog - the one with the Monday Morning question.  Just curious to know.

Krissy :)
http;

fisherkristina said...

Very interesting blog, Mark.  I like how you are so honest about what is going on.  By the way, I am just wondering where you found my blog - the one with the Monday Morning question.  Just curious to know.

Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

malagutigrrl said...

It's been a loooong day and I just now got around to email.  How nice it was to smile upon seeing my name as a subtitle.   I know just what you are talking about doing.  My best friend, Skip, did it for me for 20 years.  I know at least part of my problem is that he is no longer here (he died in 2003).   I will picture you in his place.  Remembering him and wishing he were there pulls me back.  Picturing you there will pull me forward.  In the spirit of moving on, Skip would want that.  

Went and took a peek at you and now I really CAN picture you.  Doing all sorts of things.  I like to think about you in the ring, actually.
Love,
MJ

lisa41076 said...

Mark, you inspire me to get out and exercise more, hope you have an enjoyable Wednesday, Hugs Lisa

mpnaz58 said...

I think we all indulge in a little fantasy now and then...we let our minds wander to the what if's, the why not's...but we don't live there.  Nothing wrong with that!  Glad you're getting your work out's in!
xoxo ~myra

csandhollow said...

I never use high school in any fanastys. I guess because it trult sucked back then.

toonguykc said...

"what if"s are fine -- as long as you don't live in them 24/7.  Been there.

Russ