NO, REALLY ...
... for the last time, I am going to say I am chill ... in fact, that is what is on my mind today, in a sense ...
Taking full steps, and it is a long road. But getting things in orders, is what I define 'patience' by. I can realistically look forward to getting my 'business interest' together by October, which means that I can make June my Operation: Blue Sky launch date ..!
Observing life as it were in the big city is different than it was in the provencial town I was in, different from any other town I have EVER been in. It hurts to see Detroit in such a state. It isn't just that I have 'false memories' of what was, but there are physical things, from the empty lots in neighborhoods where homes once stood, to the empty storefronts and lack of quality shopping in most neighborhoods.
Some things I do indeed write down, but to put it all down here would be a bit much for me. Not just the length, but to have to 'feel' those emotions again would sorta be counter productive to the personal progress I am making, you know ..?
For instance, sometime Nebraska peeks in to see what I am writing, and she doesn't like that I reference her state as nothing but a big farm filled with cows and chickens, with rows of corn lining the street. Cool, I will stop. Not just because it bothers her, but because I aspire to be there, and how can you slam something you are striving for?
Besides, I do have a grin when I think of riding to a nearby coffee shop to do my morning routine. Seeing the regulars as they go on about their day ... will miss the Red Wings, but Nebraska-Omaha did beat State in hockey this past season, and I would love to tailgate at Arrowhead or be in Lincoln for a big game ...
... not only that, my Army sister is a surgical nurse at Ft. Leavenworth, and I have a close family friend in Kansas City ... man, I feel so fortunate to have so much to look forward to ... finding and building a new life, the life that I imagine ..!
BEHAVE LIKE A FIGHTER
While I hope to get into a gym while I am here, the main reason that I started back totraining myself was to help restore my self confidence, which had begun to erode. The losing weight stuff, was a pleasant by product, not to mention being healthier in general.
Now Teddy Atlas, former trainer for Mike Tyson and other top fighters, and a fight analyst for ESPN, coined the phrase 'to behave like a fighter'. It has a lot in common with what it means to 'cowboy up', only that 'cowboy up' to me, has a touch of resignation to it that 'behave' doesn't.
For instance, when I initally landed in Detroit, I was full of apprehensions. This was quite a change in environment, and there were many perils laying around the challenges that I faced. When I shared my experience of walking through the 'hood with AKA, she said it was prolly more of 'there's a new lion walking around' and that is what they were checking out.
I am thinking now that she was prolly right. At first glance, there is NOTHING that says 'victim' about me. There is my build as well ... the question anyone has to ask is, 'does he hit as hard as he LOOKS like he can? Or, does he hit HARDER'. At least that is the attitude I carry with me ... AT ALL TIMES.
Behaving like a fighter is what you do, when you are squeezed for a deadline at work, and while it is tight, it just means that lunch is going to be a real 30 min or hour break, with no lag time ... and that you won't spend an extra 5 minutes at the coffee maker or talk about 'American Idol' in the bathroom.
You have work to do, work you know you can do and get done without fail. So do it. That is 'behaving like a fighter'. When your child comes home from school, saying that some big assignment that needs to be finished by Friday on a Tuesday, and you manage to help build, write, and teach all the while the house is clean, dinner is made, and work is done. That is behaving like a fighter.
When you have to get into your car, ride for an hour at 2 am to get a daughter or son and three of their friends from a concert when their ride breaks down, that is behaving like a fighter. Could go on, but you get my point.
'Getting over yourself' is crucial too. Because you got to know what you 'can't do' in order to do what needs to be done. The goal remains the same, just different ways to get there. Going down dealing with the municipal employees, I am GOING to need their help. So I deal with the rude sneers, though to be honest, there hasn't been much of that. Just trudge along, and do what I got to get done.
Ladytron is coming next month ..! I love that band ... $15 ticket, I am sooo there! Wouldn't ming going to the Movement festival, but could find that kind of loot ... oh well ...