... the real deal ...

THAT RARE, TEN MINUTE HATE

You know, given the things that have been on my mind, I had good thoughts before I came on here.  Read a couple of journals, replied to some emails, and then sat down to get my thoughts together.  But that last email, which I was SURE that would be a 'good beans' letter, has made me see red.

Since I don't expect to have to see anyone reading this, I can talk a little about how I see myself.  This is something that I don't let people really know about me.  One comment mentioned how that they wouldn't want to run into me angry.  And Nebraska saw how quick I am to react if I target you as a 'threat'.

Look people, I am NOT the one, FOR REAL.  Like I said, people that see me ever, at the Meijer's and at QD, in the mall, all of the people on involved in my case at Social Services, they see me as 'such a sweetheart'.  And I am too.

It takes a whole lot to get me riled, and I mean a whole lot.  That's might be the problem.  Because once that faucet gets opened, it takes that much to turn it back off.  I don't need the aggravation right now, I have things to do.  I don't need the distraction right now, I have to pay attention to what I am doing.

Whether it is some psychological compensation, some repressed emotional state, I could care freaking less.  Don't, don't, DON'T EVER F*CK with me, because I WILL F*CK you up.  I don't play that crap game!

That story, about me & my brother, is a freakin' fact.  You cross me, and I will stalk your behind, and would not care how long it takes... because it is so very true, revenge is a dish best served cold.  I will wait you out, may even shake your hand and send you a birthday card.  But once you have been put in THAT COLUMN, you tend to stay there until I COME GET YOU.  After that, I don't care AT ALL.

Thinking about what it takes, what kind of heart must a person have to fire a rifle with the intent to kill, to throw punches with the desire to render another man unconscious?  What do people think?

Hockey player tough guys get it.  They are calm cool and for the most part good people when they are off the ice.  But on it?  There wasn't nothing nice about Bob Probert, and if you didn't want Marty McSorley shadow behind you, you better not hit Wayne Gretzky.

For the most part, boxers, are like that.  We beat people up as a profession, it is our work.  Do you think we want to take our work home with us?  So I can overlook most people flippin' out, because I know what WILL HAPPEN should they cross that line!

When it comes to cracking people, I do and am exactly how I say I am.  Is there a hidden rage in me?  If there is, it is the same one that is in everybody else ... the difference is, I can do something with mine.

What makes people think that their precious indignation is so sacred?  What makes people think that if you make a slight provocation, that a roll out of some of their artillery is in order?

Look man, DON'T PLAY WITH ME.  Like my one co-worker said, 'Mark failed 'play well with others' in kindergarten'.  I don't like it when you just rain and spew your anger because I may have bumped your precious ego.  Yeah, I keep a thesaurus, got one right here.  But damn, the language that my fists (doom and despair for future reference) speak may be just as eloquent, failing that, I will drink in the satisfaction it brings as they shut your freakin' mouth!

Hey, I am 5'11 215 pounds ... I am too big for someone to just go off on me because they have a hair up their crack.  I wouldn't do it.

Whew ... feeling better.  I will be the one to say 'Sorry Hutch' like I do most every time with most everybody.  I don't like hurting people or their feelings.  I will take it all myself.  My first wife, has no idea of how much she was once HATED and to say her name was to swear at me.  ButI handled that.

Yes, just like I still love Mookie, and think she is as beautiful as I ever did, she was surprised during one of our conversations, when I scolded her for being a little self-righteous about my children, when she has made a choice that for all my sins, I HAVE NEVER, AND WOULD NEVER MAKE.

And no, I didn't tell her what it was. And I won't say it here. But I did say you really need to get the hell over yourself... you AIN'T no daisy.

In my mind, you have too long a walk, too many options before you reach where I draw the line.  Usually when someone crosses it, and they look back, they are at a loss, because it is a long way back to where it is safe.  They have entered MY WORLD now. 

Have to get this out.  Don't want to scare the girls ..!