Monday, March 10, 2008

... prolly last one until next week ...

AT THE LIBRARY

Half rode my bike, half rode the bus to get here.  Will cycle the rest of the way home. 

Had a really good conversation with a young man on the bus.  He was reading a textbook for an American history class.  They are studying the early 1920's and I really liked all of my social science classes.  I was able to talk about the period, the Great Depression, the Presidencies of Taft, Harding and Coolidge, and I could hear my brain turning on.  I didn't run off at the mouth, as I didn't want to take away from what ever lessons the teacher had set before him.  I told him that my interpretation and what I was taught may not be what he is going to be graded on.

Did offer my opinion that the Harding presidency was far more corrupt than the Nixon one.  My opinion, and I am sticking to it!

...BUT THE THOUGHT WAS NICE

Therapist had some misgivings about our arrangement.  I did too, for much the same reasons.  It would set a precedent that could cause more harm than good.  I would loathe to ask someone to put themselves at risk to aid me.  It happens, but I would try to find other alternatives if at all possible.

He said he would recommend someone, and that would be fine.  Anyway, I am thinking that the heavy lifting need to be done by me.  From finding out what can be done and who covers what, to eventually finding the right dentist, I need to make sure I can do this.  If I am going to be independent, then I need to act like it.

That he offered me help when I need it, fairly volunteered, spoke volumes.  Couldn't have asked for more, especially since it was needed.

...AND IS THIS WHY I AM SORE?

Or maybe overtraining is also a possiblity ... but I have my doubts.  Not to beat up on Mookie, but I don't really get a good nights' sleep around here.  It isn't her snoring, though there is PLENTY of that, or her annoying habit of leaving the telly on when she drifts to sleep.  I can even tolerate her use of a small fan as 'white noise', as well as her sleeping on what used to be 'my side' of the bed (uh, I came into HER house ... so it was her side first, I reckon!).

There are other 'only's' to our relationship.  She is the only girl I specifically bought a ring for.  She is the only girl I ever came back to.  Those are positive things in my book.

One of the negative things that she stands alone in, is how we do sleep in bed.  She is the only girl that I don't cuddle with in bed.  For me, this is huge.  I mean, I have been told by people that they enjoy just lying in bed with me, being close and near.  You could put Texas in the space between Mookie and I, and it has been there from the start.  I have mentioned it to her during the 'honeymoon' portion of our relationship, so it isn't like she didn't know before things went south.  But as things further deteriorated, the distance seemed to grow.

I do a lot of late nights until I can fall straight to bed, or lay on the couch.  Not going to beat her up over it, so I am done with talking about it, as it applies to 'us'.  Will talk about it how it applies to ME.

SEE, IT STARTED BACK THEN ...

There are five of us three girls and two boys in my immediate family.  There is a girl under me, then my brother and finally the twins.  I don't think I slept in a bed by myself until I was 12 or 13, for real.  Before the twins came, my sis and bro would all sleep in bed with my Mom.

So I am very used to sleeping in bed with people and with physical contact.  And as far as just being with other people 'as adults', we may have awoke not touching, but we went to bed touching in some fashion.

I always had someone either hold me or me hold them.  So this goes down on my list for 'the new what's happenin'.  Don't plan on too much being out her after tomorrow morning ... so have the best day!  Enjoy the sounds of Big Audio Dynamite!

3 comments:

csandhollow said...

The cuddle is my fav part of bed.

lv2trnscrb said...

enjoy your trip, Mark; I hope it is a good one; I'm going to miss your entries while you are gone, but will enjoy hearing about how it went when you return

betty

abaleman666 said...

when i was squatting i was usually in the middle of the huddle of humanity in whatever room we were crashing in at the time.  i understand what you mean, that's sorta why i cant sleep anywhere but on my couch because it makes me feel like i a packed in and  for lack of a better word, safe.

i hope this journey finds you well mark.