...nattering around ...

KEPT WISHING 'HAPPY EASTER' ...

... because I didn't know how today would break.  I normally would accompany the Mooks to service, then the family dinner afterwards.  But the hypocrisy is a little to thick for me today ... not only am I skeptical about religion, I KNOW that it isn't in her church for me ... and as far as 'Keeping Up Appearances' ... good show that comes on PBS ... not so good for a philosophy of life!  If I swore ... well, DUCK THAT!

... uh, I do have some mean in me.  And a healthy dose of the bitters to go along with it.

GETTING OVER MORRISSEY

The first time I heard, 'This Charming Man', I was hooked by the band, The Smiths.  I am not one who gets all up into what I like, but if I did, I would be a Morrissey man ... now isn't THAT a contradiction!

For years, my teenage insecurity had me latch on to the song, 'How Soon Is Now?' as my personal anthem, as if the song was written for just me.  I don't know who made me feel that way, but even as I ran wild out of the 'run 'n shoot' offense, scoring points with the ladies, that insecurity was signified by that song.  I couldn't shake it, no matter how many times I listened to Ministry's 'Just One Fix' or 'N.W.O'.

When life brought me back around Detroit, and I met Tee Jay, I finally realized that I hadn't found a real relationship because I was still feeling sorry for myself, hiding behind a once-true notion of who I was.  Tee Jay was sent straight from central casting, from looks to temperament.  I got along well enough with people in her life, and she had not a problem of stepping up to say, 'that's my man!!' at fights, or when one of my character quirks appeared.  She was more than willing to put up with me.

What happened?  I dunno?  She even stood up to my First Wife FOR ME (before you get all smart, go talk to someone who suffered from spousal abuse, then talk to me about that).  But the feelings signified in that morose, hopeless song, was entrenched in me and I let those feelings win.  Dag!  I was too old for that to happen.

Since I am a move on kind of cat, I didn't really put much into trying to repair our relationship.  We broke up, and she moved on.  My BFF would encourage me to give her another go, because there was a particular quirk in Tee Jay's new relationship that left a wide opening ... but that wasn't me.  But what I did say to myself at that time, is that I will have a decade-long moratorium on new relationships, and that I had already met the person I was to be with ...

But I also got over Morrissey.  Not only was it time, it wasn't in anyway accurate!  I was able to find myself company, not like the subjects of those sad, lonely songs.  What was I thinking?  So Morrissey doesn't sing my life anymore ... no one does.

... but I hear what Jill Scott says loud and clear!

MAJOR POLICY CHANGE

Between Mike Tyson's rape charge, and reading Andrea Dworkin's 'Woman Hating', I have tried to really alter how I perceive women and act towards them.  I won't let anyone tell me any different, because I over saw the operation in my mind ... I went from not knowing and guessing at what I was doing with women, to being focused and respectful (please, don't grief me about Lexxie and KT ... remember, the were other people involved with them as well ... GRIEF THEM), which isn't to say that I wasn't before, just a little more aware.

Now, with Mike Tyson, I would like to address how I can sit up in a house with someone I still love and find attractive, and not want to 'roll in the hay' with them.

I was in school when he was sentenced, and had been reading Dworkin.  When Mike first caught the case, I thought it was bogus ... when he got SENTENCED, I was like, 'Whoa ... THAT'S ME!'  I mean, I am built on the same lines, a boxer as well ... living in an apartment with two other hormonally-challenged college basketball players ... I was taken aback.

I called an apartment meeting.  Since we were athletes, any girl who would make a charge against us, would prolly cause us more damage than we could repair, even if it was false (when are the Duke Lacrosse players gonna get over that?).  So I put in place a few rules to help us out ... at 11 pm, you have to ask your company STRAIGHT AWAY if they were spending the night.  Also, even if she agrees, is she wants to sleep ... LET HER.

So that, along with Dworkin's book , changed my approach to women and physical intimacy.  No more 'tag'.  I mean, I would try and if you pushed me away, I may try again.  A push that time meant it was a 'no' and that was that.  So that is something that has stayed with me, and I think that it works.  I get to find out if you really want me, because lets face it, I am nice looking!  Also, it is a boost to think that a woman wants me ... what a concept, being desired by your partner.

This is how, even though Mookie does get my 'nature to rise', I don't hassle her.  She doesn't want me, and that is an official thing.  Funny thing about sex ... I may not get it at night, but I wake up each day, fit and fresh!

BESIDES ... THERE IS ALWAYS RUNNING

Did a big run today of about 5 miles.  Felt good.  Still does.  I am not going to set any land speed records, but I get it done.  Training is coming along just fine ... will get on the scale tomorrow morning.  Other that the 'relapse' earlier in the week, I really haven't been doing to badly on the diet part of things.  I think it will be fine ...