Friday, March 21, 2008

Don’t know if anyone has figured it out, but I like to write! So sometimes my entries can be long and winding … oh, and I also like to keep my routine, which is why there tends to be an early morning entry following a late evening entry.

With the holiday, I did not go to the library to shelve books, and lil’ Mook did not go to school. She did have a practice for the Sunday program at her church, and her cousin came back with her. 

Now we have reached a limit. Lil’ Mook asked if I could order a pizza when she called home from practice. That was a clear and firm ‘no’. It was more that some cousin was coming home with her, cause I would have gotten US a pizza.  I made them some sandwiches and some cool, cool Kool-Aid. Not only do I not feel required to extend ‘Mark-piltality’ to her cousin, I don’t really even care for this particular child. She reminds me of the insecure bullies from my Jr. High. Sit down and eat your tuna fish and be quiet!

WHEN PRICIPLES AND PHILOSOPHIES CLASH

I hope it is understood that Detroit is but a staging area for me. Though I believe and have confidence in myself to manage my life ... uh, the key to having providence work for you is not to take it for granted! I don’t want to tax my ‘Longshot Luck’ to that extent if I don’t have to. But regular readers already knew that, didn’t you? That I don’t plan on making Detroit my home?

My eye is fixed, and I know where I would like to end up. But just like I think you should shout out what it is you want, to let the universe know that ‘here you come’, at the same time, there is a school of thought that believes ‘if you talk about it too much, you lose it.’

So here I sit, considering two seemingly opposing ideas. How to reconcile this is now the question. So let’s see …

To be personally honest, I have been a practitioner of the latter … and though I am generally pleased with the results, whenever it is time for a change, everything has to be reconsidered. What ever it is that led you to this point, if you don’t feel that it was a successful journey, then perhaps it is how you went about it that led you astray.

Okay, I want out of where I am. That is the first step. Getting things in order is what I have been doing, and that has gone along pretty well. I have made some decisions about what is coming and what is not, and how I intend to be extracted. Cool beans, I say!

Because there isn’t any seeming urgency on my part is not because of nonchalance, but hey, if you are doing it, then DO IT and get it done. I have already said that I am out, and that is that. How many times do I need to say it, if I am really going about it? I am not an angel, so I know how it goes for some women in getting out of failed relationships. They talk all that crap, then you call them on the weekend, can’t catch up to them, and on Monday you find out she was at the ‘Come On Inn’ with Tyrone.

If you need to know the rest of it, then jeez, this is a NC-17 journal, you better go and get one of those Disney blogs to read!

Yeah, you will read the forlorn, but you will also read the ‘acid teardrop of bitterness’ as well. I am going to miss being here, because I really did give my all. If I hadn’t, then I would have already raised up, and that would have meant I WASTED MY TIME ... AND HERS. This had to be a ‘crash and burn’, so that the next time, perhaps I won’t have to. Now that I have that in my record, I can accurately say I will fight for our relationship, and now I can really fall back on my experience.

… besides, LIFE is funny that way

I have had to make journeys to anywhere before. My friend SD, who was a good road dog, noticed how at ease I seemed to be as we rode the two -lane highways going to ‘Anytown, USA’ to visit or for an adventure. So my final destination isn’t a place where I expect to find myself in an ‘unfamiliar’ place. I know how to get around, because I have always been getting around, and I should continue to expect to.

For whatever reason, I have always found myself ‘staging’ from my Father’s house. It popped into my mind when the question of ‘announcing’ or ‘keep it close to the vest’ came up. I had no intention on leaving from Dad’s house, it just seems to be working that way. For me, it is a positive sign, and it makes me even more excited that I am doing the best thing for me. I left for the service from his spot, for college, for married life, then for the world, each time the time between the launches grew longer and longer.

Now, I am going to ask you to work with me. The ‘shock and awe’ of Desert Storm made short work of the Iraquis in Kuwait, didn’t it? Sure did, especially if you weren’t a Kuwaiti! How long did they have to wait for the Allied forces while the soldiers fom Iraq did unspeakable things, almost all of it sanctioned by their feeling that it was due to their superiority in battle.

Just like when philosophy and actions clash, time is funny that way. How long is a minute when you are struggling for air in a pool … how long is that same minute when you are standing in line next to that cute guy/girl?

Nah, I have made some alterations … I know where I would like to be. I REALLY want to get there. I will keep it to myself. Getting in and out of Detroit will be hard enough without adding to my tasks. I am going to put all my eggs in the darned basket … FREEDOM OR DEATH … GLORY OR DOOM. Falling back on my experience, I have actually had to ask those very questions and go and open the door and face what ever was out there.

Not knowing what the future holds … ooh, I can’t wait!

4 comments:

toonguykc said...

I stay put.... in places and with people because change is too terrifying and difficult for me.  You are brave, my friend.

Russ

csandhollow said...

I am a stay putter now. I used to wander...

lv2trnscrb said...

I knew you weren't planning to make Detriot your home; but I'm so curious where you are thinking of making your home; I think I might have it narrowed down with something you said in your post, but I'm not 100% sure; will obviously wait until you make the announcement when you are ready

will say what the guy who moved us down here said when he asked us why we were leaving Montana to move down to Orange County; open land versus rush hour traffic, etc. I said "we are going home" and he said "in all my years of moving people, (15 years at the time) he said "I always found people end up moving back to where they came from" he said "rather than doing that myself, I decided to put down roots here (another town in Montana) and travel the country moving others back to their home".

so who knows.................................

wherever you go, it will be the right place for you!

betty

rdautumnsage said...

As for you liking to write...no kidding! (winks) I'm huge on writing whatever strikes you, when it strikes you. Some of us (namely you) get struck to write more often. As for opening that door....Sounds like a grand beginning to an adventure in the making. I see nothing wrong with jumping off from your dad's home. We all need a jumping off point in our lives. Your fortunate to have yours. Thanks for checking in on me in my absence, I make it a daily appointment to check in on you too. I might not be able to comment all the time. I think you know, I'm there and supporting you my friend. In the end that's what counts. Stay safe and loved! (Hugs) Indigo