… no, I STILL haven’t found my watch …

 

Since it said ‘feel free to use’ on the web page, I decided that I would take this and use it for my journal entry …
The only disability in life is a bad attitude.

 

Sums it up pretty neatly.  I am disabled, but I do choose to use other words and phrases to describe my condition.  I have suffered brain trauma as a result of my lifetime spent boxing.

 

I don’t know what made me go apply for disability.  I remember that I was still bop-bop boppin’ along when it came clear to me that something was amiss.  I went and filled out the paperwork, went to the clinics and there you go, and here I am.

 

The good thing about my diagnosis is that I am still functioning at a pretty good level.  I have attended some college, and I busted a 31 on my ACT and 1190 on my SAT, in an era where those scores for a public school student from Detroit, was high.  I can still 'consume' pretty much what I have intellectually, but the processing ... that is a little slow and I am stuck with that.

 

ABOUT THAT WATCH …

 

Providence had me apply for Social Security.  See, many of the symptoms weren’t abnormal for me.  I mean I always would misplace things … one time, I left a fight purse in a suit coat and forgot it and it was like 3k!  Not to mention all the other little slips … nothing critical, but noticeable all the same.

 

I liked my last job, working in the Administrative department for a non-profit organization involved with the Big Three.  We had what I would call a ‘re-engineering’, and my responsibilities changed.  Couldn’t keep up, and got my papers.  Que sera and I moved on.

 

As I struggled in the provincial town I am in, I couldn’t place why or what was happening.  Again, what ever made me seek medical attention, I am thankful for.  They say God has a special place for children and fools … since I am 41, I guess that makes me the latter!

 

Shout Outs and Props …

 

Yeah, Mookie and I are going thru our struggles.  But this isn’t that entry.  I am thankful that I am here.  I don’t where else I would be, but this isn’t half bad!  I was in a dark funk for over two years though, as our relationship first began to fray.  Overall, it could be worse.

 

Nixxie and Pecan Sandie are two ladies that I have daughters by.  I am amazed at the lengths that they have gone thru to make sure that me and the girls have a real connection.  They spend their summers with me, one then the other.  The story as to why isn’t all that interesting, but it works best that way.  I do have a daughter from my starter marriage, Skye, who is in high school.  KT and Lexxie, respectively, lives in Carolina and Georgia.

 

I also have a friend in Nebraska … she is a super cool lassie.  I think we would have had a good relationship if things had broken differently.  I met her online, and I drug my foot before I got around to seeing her.  Que sera, but I like to think that we can make a real and lasting connection.  One of my regrets is that people that I think highly of aren’t in my life like they should be.  That is all on me.  From my college housemates, various trainers, and high school cats, I haven’t done the best job keeping up with them.  Why is that you wonder?

 

Time to be real

 

To maintain deep connections mean there has to be two parties involved.  I think that I was a little to self-centered (which isn’t the same as conceit, thank you very much!) and let the connection fade away.  I may trace some of the trails, just to see where they lead.  But as to why, it is simple to me.  I look back and wished that I had made the calls and had the dinners with my few friends as that is what they are for many of us … FEW.

 

So if you leave a comment and you happen to get an email back, don’t be surprised.  That is the ‘Nigel’ in me coming out.  I am not going to take anything for granted if I can help it, from friendship to gifts and blessings.    I try to read other journals as they come along, but with a slow computer and no technical know how to get anything working better, I can only read a few. 

 

… no, Denial IS …

 

… just a river in Egypt.  I won’t crimp on what I feel or how I interpret things.  I was told that I can still trust myself for the most part, and that is what I am going to do.  But I ain’t your huckleberry and don’t aspire to ever be.  I call my way of thinking ‘Imperial thinking’, as I consider my mind and soul sovereign territory.  I listen to folks, but I MAKE my own decisions for my own purposes.  To me, that is a redundant statement until you consider how many people DON’T function like that, making choices based on something less than good for them.

 

Felt like writing … that is all … still processing an argument that got THAT BAD … when I am finished doing that, I will work it out here.