... so it remains ...

... and plenty of Jill Scott ...

Looks as if Nebraska is weary of ME ... that is cool, not because it is cool, but because that is what it is ... 

What does 'giving up' feel like?  The closest I believe I came to that was with my first wife, which is why that she has the traction that she does in my day to day thoughts.  I didn't like that I had that feeling, and I have tried hard not to feel that way again.  Kind of like in the Dyson commercial, where the cat talks about all the failures it took to get to the one success.

I still think that one success is out there.

But I am a little off my stride at the present moment.  How many times do I have left to look into the windows of the homes that seem so safe and stable, wanting to keep theives hours with someone ...

...like Nebraska?

Maybe it is time for me to stretch out and see if anyone will have me ... I guess there isn't anything wrong with Mookie; she does what she does, because it is what she does.  But I can't continue to look forward to long Friday nights of being left feeling lost, uncrossed.

I won't give in to the thought that I have unrealistic expectations ... even as the gulf between what I need and what I receive is as wide as Lake Superior ... perhaps that is all that Mookie has to give.  Don't want to cause her any anguish besides that which has already been felt.  But it is out there because I feel it.

Today was SUCH a good daytoo... for it to end with me feeling like this ... I am going to watch my sugar consumption, because these kinds of emotional swings aren't too good for too much of anything ..!    Even though it seems like the encroaching darkness is going to swallow me, I still have the light that is my visit to Chicago ...

... the ten second signal has went off ... the next round is about to start ..!