Tuesday, January 1, 2008

... general musing

THE CAPITAL ONE BOWL

… BUYING SOME Beatles music is going on my ‘to do’ list …

When someone looks at my listening collection < cause I listen to EVERY PIECE of music that I own> the first thing that they wonder, especially if they are black, is, ‘why do I listen to that? Do I think that I am white?’. I wonder why black people are so comfortable with their ignorance, insensitivity, and lack of tolerance. Better to stay silent, than to speak and remove all doubt that you are a fool.

Anywho, one of the bands at halftime played ‘She Loves You’ by the Beatles <only the biggest band of all time, but remember that the Clash is the only band that matters!> …

My Mom LOVES British rock and Roll. The Dave Clark 5, Herman Hermits, the Stones and of course, the Beatles were all in her record collection. I remember spending Saturday’s cleaning around the house, listening to a local oldies station on their ‘Beatles Weekend’. We’d be singing along with John, Paul, or George …

She also liked Billy Joel. I have a memory of her listening to ‘Piano Man’ on a quiet, pensive evening. She had a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of Pepsi <I am a Coke drinker> at the other, thinking.

I have managed to keep that picture in my mind, revisiting that image from time to time as I have grown. There are things that I didn’t get to talk with her about; it wasn’t for her lack of willingness. No, there aren’t many burning questions for her, but that picture, I would have liked to talk to her candidly at that time. She is just in mind, and that is that.

That particular scene has been with me, because I feel like I have felt what she was feeling at that time. And it would just be about sharing and experiencing, gaining insight, you know?

Single Mom, 3 kids <the twins weren’t around yet>, and working in the factory @ Chrysler … I know she couldn’t have sat down as a little girl and envisioned this as her future.

Is that what she was thinking about in that picture?

My admiration for my Mother has continued to grow as I have aged. Though I am not quite a ‘Momma’s boy’, I do think that I take a lot of my traits from her. My compassion and empathy to be sure …

She definitely gave me the confidence that I could do what it is that I set my sights on. This summer, talking about Barack Obama’s candidacy, my peeps mentioned how much my Mom honestly believed that I would be president. Yeah, that is something I got from her … there hasn’t been too many things that I have let someone tell me that ‘I can’t’, especially when I haven’t tried yet.

That is why I am amazed at how some black people can feel so comfortable with the self righteous insensitivities and willingness to fill the stereotype that was shaped by others, for us. Being willing to live under a ceiling, and refusing to open themselves up to understanding.

That picture I have, I wonder what was on her mind at that moment. The weariness and the resignation … was it because of a dream she deferred and tried to instill in her children?

So there isn’t any question that I have not lived up to her hopes … but it wasn’t for lack of effort. Don’t forget, the game still isn’t over, and I am still playin’ ..!

1 comment:

toonguykc said...

You're young guy -- it's not even close to halftime!