Saturday, December 22, 2007

... nothing ... nothing at all ...

Me saying that I am in a good mood is sort of redundant. I make an effort to be in a good humor most days. That I am listening to a dark song like ‘Opium’ by Christophe De Babalon, isn’t a marker as to how I am feeling.

Did manage to stay in bed until 7 a.m. this morning. This included a normal ‘wake up’ earlier, but I made myself stay in bed and counted sheep <literally>. But at seven or thereabouts, I couldn’t get back to sleep and I didn’t want to fidget Mookie awake, so I got going.

Reading Clarence Thomas’ book, ‘My Grandfather’s Son’, he talks of when he first got to Washington and part of his personal challenges that he faced. Didn’t finish, but I was up to the part where he was invited to do a marathon. He was a long way removed from being ready as he drank and lazed himself out of condition. He said he ran everyday, a little more to build himself up, and did the marathon in a decent time.

I don’t think I am in the condition that he was in, as I have never let myself go, but I wonder if I can do a marathon. It is a mental thing obviously, as I've managed to go for ten, eleven miles at a crack. To go on and do the extra mileage of a marathon would just be a mind of matter thing.

The thing about Clarence Thomas preparation for his marathon that appeals to me, isn’t to get ready for a marathon, but to just lose weight. I want to have that moment that just floors people. That might not happen, since I have always been seen as ‘in shape’, but just that I see it will be good enough. I am going to try to run everyday, at least 6 times a week. Since I am not in the YMCA, I will do floor work until I reinstate my membership, will looks like it won’t happen until March.

Today I am going to sit down and write out my goals for the year. First I am going to put down the things that I want to do then put them in a prioritized list, so that I can step by step make my way. And I am going to write out a firm schedule to adhere to. Some of what makes me ‘tired’, having to go off my message and deal with things I would rather not, like doing Christmas with Mook’s family, will be mitigated knowing that I can see what I am going to be doing beyond that event, and with lesser things that tax me, I will be able to tell someone exactly why I am not going to be able to make it instead of just saying, “I don’t want to.”

Can’t remember who said that Mookie prolly notices, but I am going to prep my gear. I remember when I decided to relax, because I though that it was my maintaining a posture to be ready to leave that contributed to the household attitude. That doesn’t seem to be the case. If anything, it has become more and more grating. So I am going to get mobilized and be ready, and this isn’t an ESPN ‘you better watch’ moment.

Ran into ‘Michael’ at Meijer’s yesterday evening. Michael is this young cat, between 18 and 22, that speaks every time I see him, usually riding the bus downtown. Though I want to get out of the habit of talking to people I don’t know, I feel compelled to speak to him, almost like a mentoring.

If there is a person who is more upbeat and positive,than me, I haven’t met them. Michael has some things working in his life that I kind of picked up by feel. Maybe some legal stuff, definitely school, and he may have some things related to controlled substances as a user/merchandiser going as well. But he always has a smile for me, and we talk.

So I have decided to, like I have done with Nebraska, ‘grandfather’ him into my life. There is evidently something for me to be in his life, and I aim to do it. It isn’t like I haven’t been something for someone before. From family to good friends, I have if not provided the spark, gave someone that push they needed, the words that they could have echo during dark times that pulled them through.

That is what I meant when I told Nebraska that I am going to take the advice that I give to people. Tired of being the shady-tree mechanic that fixes everyone else’s car, but needs a ride to get where he needs to go. I am going to stick to my knowledge base and go for what it is that I know.

Don’t remember the call letters, but some Saturday mornings would start with catching Canadian Public Radio. Since WUOM is at the bottom of the FM dial, the signal often gets crossed with other stations. In Detroit, it got mixed up with Canadian Public Radio 2. They would have a music program, and there were quite a few bands I picked up listening, one of these groups being the Boards of Canada.

‘Eagle In The Mind’, is the perfect counter point to ‘Opium’. With that, I am closing out, and going to get into my day.

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