... myself, mainly ...
(big sigh) I am going to start to MAKE myself stay in bed, whether or not I am sleepy ... that I get up early most every day isn't necessarily a cool thing ... I wonder what is going to happen the older I get ... no matter how you slice it, I am not getting enough sleep ... that my disquiet wakes me isn't a good enough reason, or at least it isn't anymore ...
... Nebraska says I don't have to email her in the morning anymore ... today I am going to agree with her ... if she hasn't figured out by now that I would dote on her as her partner, then she never will ... and I am pretty sure I would be able to pick up on that ...
MAN AT HIS BEST ...
... I remember that line from Esquire magazine ... it caught my notice when I was a KID soldier in the Army ... I made a little sign with big block letters and taped them to my wall locker in my barrack. That was what I aspired to be, just a general 'jack of all trades', sort of like the character Terrence Howard played in the film, 'The Best Man'. Right now, I feel like this is the time that I show that I am 'all growed up' and ready to take on a singular focus with my life's direction ...
... one thing that I can be sure of, is the desire to lose some weight, to maybe have a 'Biggest Loser' kind of moment ... am I going to take a picture ..? I might ... looking at my latest photo, I don't know if you can really see if I am fat or not ... I know that I am considered 'atheletic' when considering my physique ... but going by the scale and the BMI <body mass index> I am overweight ... so what ever it is that I need to lose IS there ... to that end, I am going to work out a fitness calendar, and hold to it as my raison d'etre, and see if I can get down to a comfortable size ... torn between setting a modest but achievable goal of 20lbs by June, or by pressing myself and going for 40lbs by the same date ... hey, how about just saying 20 - 40lbs and be done with it ..? Sounds good, mate ...
... I am going to do my own leg work regarding finding a job ... not that Barbara Neal isn't helpful because she has been ... but I think that I can add a day to my own efforts ... I think that having a job would allow me to re-introduce myself to society at large and give me a sense of being a part of something larger than myself ... that is missing in my life right now ...
... also, I need to carve out some story writing time ... I like the little short that I am working on ... I WILL take in one of the free writing classes they offer through the library ... it will be neat to have a couple of shorts put together ... I don't know what is going to happen as far as fitting that time in until everybody goes back to work and to school ... perhaps I will start on it anyway, taking a few hours at the library ... the environment may help me to write ...
... looking back, this has been a challenging year ... still think about Nolan ... I am so glad that he knows that I love him ... that is why it is going to be important for me to get off to a good start in January ... his transition has made me keenly appreciate the things that bring my pure childlike joy ... sorta like that 'moment' in Chicago ...
... perhaps Omaha doesn't get as much snow, but it HAS to be windier ... and that is the one weather characteristic that I can honestly say, gets to me ... I don't like the wind ...
No comments:
Post a Comment