... quote for today is "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
... that is from the great nihilist, Friedrich Neietzsche! I couldn't imagine someone like him ever truly desiring compaionship, but it just goes to show ...
... I have had some good friends who were also my love interest. Those were were the exception. Talk about taking something for granted, the friendship that we were building was just as important as any other part of the relationship.
... looking back, I think that it is surprising that I let people who were also my friend as well as my lover get away from me. Mookie, as sweet as she is, isn't exactly my friend. I mean if we were co-workers or had even met in another social setting <Mook is the ONLY girl anyone ever mentioned me to>, it is highly questionable that we would try to be cordial let alone become casual friends.
... whenever someone would question my 'blackness', I would reply, "Yeah, but the Reford Police when they pull me over, aren't interested in me because I listen to Nirvana! I think that I am black enough for them!"
... to me, so much of that is self-loathing and/or ignorance by blacks who feel comfortable approaching someone with that question. Self loathing, because they desire to be more that what it is they are, and seeing in someone else the indivuality to break away from the group and go in a new direction, they become unable to cope with their insecurity.
... ignorance because they don't have enough information to know that questions of heritage and racial identity is offensive or they really just don't know any better. So I try to give out 'passes', because though my thinking is atypical, I am not interested in denying my racial identity, or dating outside of my race.
... have considered it ... but I don't think that I am 'black' enough for white girls either! At least not when I was younger. Can't recall the circumstance, but I do remember some 'Trailer Tammy' telling me in so many words that I wasn't 'thug' enough for her ... which was no biggie as I couldn't find a waiver for her to fit in my life ...
... won't absolutely rule it out ... I would not like it if I missedout on a partnership because of something so predjudiced. But I am starting to ramble away ... the reason that I am even in this neighborhood is because X-Mas won't be at Mook's parents, but her youngest brother is expressing a desire for the peeps to get together at his place. Now BOTH of her brothers would rather switch than fight <y'all feelin' me ..? Thought you did> have their white women, both of them rather unspectacular. Her eldest bro, I remember his travails with the girl who would eventually become his wife from what, high school?
... but the bro that wants to have X-Mas, his girl Fiona, is a freaking beast.! This is in NO WAY an exaggeration, she is way ugly ... Fiona is a reference term, as she looks more like Fiona the Ogre princess from 'Shrek' than not ... short, dumpy , lumpy body ... and I am just amazed that they have TWO children!
... never told Mookie this, but even with her eldest bro, I wanted to ask how it came to be that he found his way to a white girl. Again, I don't think anything about interracial relationships ... but I am interested in the dynamics of how they came to pass ... sister girls are tough on brothers, but with good reason ... and I haven't ever faulted a successful sister for going of the farm ...
... but when brothers leave the reservation, I just wonder what is up with that ... what kind of relationship were they exposed to in their family that influenced them ... there are just too many sisters in need of someone willing to be there for them to not try to make a relationship work ...
... yeah, I AM part of the problem ... I am also part of the solution ... I think ...
... or so I want to be ...
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