Canary In The Coal Mine

Now, it isn’t like I haven’t gotten a bad review before … but bad reviews are to me like a missed shot is to Michael Jordan … so that Nebraska and I didn’t exactly connected like that, isn’t surprising … after all, I AM out of practice … and that is what today’s entry is about …

I haven’t had many issues with ‘gettin’ mines’ … could talk about my great run, but the bottom line is that I have provided more than perhaps I have gotten, which I am more than good with … in having that perspective, I come to believe that I am unique, willing to make sure that my partner gets more than they expect …

My interest in the experiences of my partners’ isn’t so that I can expect them to perform anything, or to be judgemental in any way … it does heighten my sexual experience <… that IS a Mark thing … don’t try to understand ..!> with that person … so I will ask …

… but this is the FIRST TIME I have ever asked about someone else’s experience for purposes of comparison …because I am a unique cat <… yeah, I know, just like everybody else ..!> it never bothered me what someone had did with someone else … but this is a special case … because another little unique thing is my appetite …

… yes, I like sex as much as anyone … and if given the choice, I would have sex as much as possible … BUT that is not what I expect … 3-4 times a month is good … figuring that hey, my partner want me too … I estimate in a realistic operational relationship, 6-8 times a month is at a very good level …

… with all the room between those amounts, the minimum should be met … at the very least … and that it isn’t even coming CLOSE … well, that makes me wonder about a lot more than just sex …

… I asked Mookie what she did with her last boyfriend … a shaky cat that was not anywhere near the kind of person or character that I am … so when the answer came 3 - 4 times WEEKLY … I just about blew a gasket …

… the problem I had was this … if this dude was someone that you even said was ‘just passin’ through’, what is the deal with me not getting mine, when I am the one who is committed to you … didn’t I give you a ring ..? And I can’t get my lil’ ol’ one-timer ..? WTF !?!

… not only that, I use sex as one of those leading indicators, a proverbial ‘canary in the coal mine’ if you will, a sure sign of trouble ahead … factoring in that I don’t hassle her about it, it tends to make me think that there is something wrong … just no one is telling me about it … whether it is a desire to go in another direction, or if I am not the ‘master of the boudoir’ that I thought I was, she has had the chance to let me know … SEVERAL TIMES OVER …

… I have decided to stop with all the figuring out of how to communicate and get to the root of the problem … can’t get that ‘seems like something every month’ attitude from the summer out of my head …as for ‘giving up’ … haven’t done that exactly …

… Friday night/Saturday morning are the unscheduled but usual ‘windows of opportunity’ … did make a half-hearted overture in the morning … was rebuffed … and I was cool with it … still am … was this morning too <last night errrybohdy went to a concert in Dee-troit> and will be tonight … and tomorrow …

… There isn’t much for me to say about it … or really even do … I have done what I know already … don’t know anything else to do …