Gearing up ..?

... my mind is somewhere ... just not here ..!

... I am going to have to ride this out ... the extremes of going to Number one back to 'also receiving votes' is tougher on me ... sign of age ... I don't know ... makes me think of 'Rex the dog' on the high wire in one of Gary Larson's "Far Side" panels ... "he was an old dog and this was a new trick", read the caption ...

... though I have done a similar trick once, that was long ago ... besides there is enough of a difference for this to be a completely NEW trick ... one that I am not as sure that I can pull off ... which isn't to say that I won't be happy and that happiness wouldn't leave me fulfilled ...  In short, this is a potential adventure that has more upside than it does risk ... which really makes remaining here an exercise for me ...

... Nebraska prolly has no idea of what happened when she showed up ... I will have to ask her what it was for her ... it didn't seem as if her brief, prefunctory assesment seemed to be fitting for something that was so huge ... then again, I just know what it was for me ... don't know what it was or even her true motivation ... so let's tell it from the perspective that I do have ...

... first off, I don't think that my twin would have nary a problem if with me coming out there with her ... and it would truly be a mutual benefit for us ... I do miss the life of the city ... there is a certain provincial nature that I have found to be a problem for me here in town ...  Chicago would be risky ... and on more than a few levels ... the challenge of finding my way through makes me smile though ... it would be such fun doing it ..!

... second, making my experience work for me would get another workout ... because I would be advising my twin the same thing ... which would be not to look back ... it would be nice if Mookie Dee did try to win me ... somehow, I don't think she has it in her to do it ... not now, not this time ...

... besides, some of the what keeps me on edge, just baffles me ... because the repriocal aspect of it ... showing up and making my appearance where I am supposed to ... what is up with that ..?  why do I have to hang with you and your people ..?  is this mandatory for couples or is this part of how SHE envisioned relationships and what goes on in them ... her with her man sitting among her and her achingly single sisters ... to what end ..? 

... one tale of her ex had to do with one of her soeurs flirtin' around with him ... while she is the only one who could 'get it' of the lot of 'em, even she is like, 'it's gonna take a bigger boat' kind of ugly and I would need more than just one more drink for the road ... hell, just give me the bottle and tie this rope to my waist to keep me from falling in too deep ..!

... just the environment for me to be a part of ... NOT ..!

... so the lot of 'em are gone ... and I am to myself ... too bad I don't have any money ... don't know if it would mean anything, but at least there would be possiblities ...

Morrissey sings my life ... STILL

... one of the things that happened in Chicago was an awakening of a part of me that has long been dormant ... I got to feel like I feel ... and it was wonderful ... because not only do I like me, I miss me ..!  Being downtown at the Thanksgiving/X-Mas whatever they have down there was wonderful ... the entire moment was like out of a dream a fantasy fulfilled ... if there ever was a 'Harry' then for that night, I had a 'Sally' ... or maybe it was more of a Sam Baldwin - Annie Reed thing from 'Sleepless' ...

... each song that Stephen Morrissey sings, I find relates to what is going on in my life ... which is a mixed blessing ... because no other artist makes me feel as deeply or passionately as he does ...  I remember when I wanted to learn the guitar, just so I could strum 'Hated For Loving' ... she is just in my mind ... and it is unrelenting ... at some point I have to get over the 'glow' and get back in the game ...

... and that is what Monday is going to be all about ... and you can print that ..!