so I sent her another one ... some of the impact may be lost ... because I wanted to let her know that I was feeling really good about us as a family ... before we got into our usual rut ..! <<I wonder if this is what it is all going to be about ... she sometimes 'forgets' about me ... and I do mind, because I am not orientented to be such a secondary figure in someone's life ... I would rather be alone than to be with someone and FEEL alone

... the above is excerepted from an entry made a few weeks ago ... and we are in our rut ... as predicted ...

... this is very unsettling ... because it is again, the same stuff ... I am going to let it ride though, because if she can take it through to Februrary, ignoring me and not being effective in reaching me, then I will have to do something drastic ...