Reading over my entries here and the hard cover journal is keeping me up ... for sure ...
I didn't realise things were to the extent that they were ... I have often wondered how much my role actually played in being in a whole and happy relationship ... because in several key relations, I think that I was clearly the problem.
... as IF having two daughters within a 6-month span didn't tip anyone off ...
As challenging a relationship as my 'starter marriage' was, I still felt that there was a LOT more that I could have done to save it ... done to make it work...
What all of this has led me to, with all my near misses, is to conclude that I am a bigger problem to achieving a happy relationship than I thought ... so here with Mookie, I pledged to myself to stick it out ... and see what will happen ... since that is part of my problem ... in the recent past, with Tee Jay and with SD ... my committment was the a obstacle from those relationships developing ...
So it is my experience that made me want to commit, and a bit of luck, fate, omen ... whatever, to Mookie ... because not only has she been the only person that has stayed consistently in my heart, but she is the only girl that ever let me come back <this is not to say others wouldn't have or even didn't offer ... but she is the only one I have chosen to come back to>
Hopefully, there is something magical behind all of this ... but as Bobby Knight said :"Winning isn't fun, winning is hard work."
Right now, I am not having any fun ... and I don't know if we're even winning ...
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