... haven't done this in a while ... but to come back with the same feelings ... yes, indeed ... quite a sign ...
... it is QUITE frustrating to be sitting here with feelings and emotions from the beginning of the year ... it isn't about where or why they remain, only that they do ...
... what I hope to do online is get my thoughts in order ... I can't take this too much longer ... one of the things that I have just relised is that it IS me ... that has to be the answer ... from simple things like watching television together to just spending quality time with me ... it isn't happening ...
.... today was quite a frustrating day ... because adding to my grief, I ran into an 'Arlo woman', so called because of the comic strip 'Arlo and Janis' ... it is one where he is speaking of a female co-worker with whom he gets along with ... and his mind allows for the possibility if things were a bit different that they could have been something more to one another ...
... I ran into one of those today ... a nice, my style WHITE girl ... it has always been in my mind what once was said and is often inferred about my character ... that I should date white girls ... but I really haven't ... I haven't really found one that I would be interested in ...
... until today ... she caught my notice because she had on sweat pants from Edsel Ford High School in Dearborn ... as usual, anything remotely connected to Detroit catches my eye ... we had a nice conversation ... found out she was an undergrad at State ... and was studying to be a teacher ... so along with the metro area, my interest in teaching, we had NATURAL common interests ... and then as I spoke of how I told my daughter who had just had her summer visit that she should get a teaching certificate upon her graduating college ... IT happened ...
... now, I am not in the situation I am in with my daughters by different women for nothing ... I read women RATHER well ... and she leaned back on cart TO GET COMFORTABLE ... and I could feel her vibe ... and as my sister Page had alluded to ... I have a natural 'charisma' with women ...
... she was feeling me ... and trying to see if I was feeling her ...
... broke out of the pull because I DO love Mookie ... a lot ... this patch we are going through could be just that ... so this compounded my frustration ... because just as I have left others to find their opportunities ... perhaps this was one for me ... and admittedly I may not have many left ... so to let one go was huge ...
... even though the complexities would have prevented me from doing anything ... it is just that if I have run my course here, that I want to go out and see what I can offer someone else ... and first up would be to run down my list ... you know, the short one ...
... the one Mookie once led ...
... anyway ... want to vent ... so I will hold it for here ... because I want to let Mookie have a nice vacay ... and I want to allow for healing ... so I am going to try and see if she notices anything ... and if she can find it in her to speak up ...
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