... seems like I 'broke' this week ... not that it was any one or even a series of things ... but by 'broke' I mean I failed to keep up with my journaling ... some of it is due to my idiosyncrasy of being overly concerned with privacy ...
... that is what undid me in my efforts to get my Mom's house signed over to me ... for someone who wants to be secretive, I am VERY sloppy about my security ... at any rate ... my situ here hasn't changed but is that a good thing or no ..? ... a large part of my anxiety is due to concerns about what is being thought around here ...
... I am going to go to the friend of the court before my doctor's appointment ... I worry about what could come of it ... this isn't Detroit, and I would not think that picking up a deadbeat such as myself would be beyond Sherriff Roscoe ...
... spoke to AKA ... was a 20minute conversation ... but in her voice I heard so much emotion ... while I don't want to dwell on her too much, the words of Mike Spiewak echoes in my mind ... 'my Dad said that you should always throw a line out the back ..'
... also, I can't let fear cause me to panic ... it has to be motivation ... first, I need to focus on my body ... I want to lose weight, even get back into fight shape ... after I get my bike from the shop, I can start going to the Y twice a week for weight/cardio training ... this means that at least two other days I really push myself through some running and calistenics ...
... this summer I would like to get back into school or at the very least a training program ... don't think I want to be so vunerable that I would take desperate risks ... things AREN'T as bad as I probably fear ... the anxiety is coming from my inertia ...
DO SOMETHING !!!
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