...Stuff I have been wondering about ...
I wonder how old my Mother was, when the air first started to leak from her balloon ...
... I say that, because I have not only lived a life that I draw links to hers, but it is through to the degeneration of our orbits ... and our breaking up on re-entry are the similar ...
... my Mom was a diabetic ... and she had high blood pressure ... though I am not a diabetic, my high blood pressure is something of a concern ... because prior to last year, I had no idea that I had it ...
... anyway, I have traced my lethargy to my condition ... and with losing my job <and I could have SWORN I told myself, this is reason enough to keep it and to make sure that I did just that!!> and my insurance benefits, I have been without medication for the seven months I have been without work ... and my mental state doesn't help any ...
... so I have to stop wondering about whether or not I am following in the same patterns of my Mother ... and start find ways to break the cycle ... the decisions that are made today, determine the tomorrow I will have ... and this pity party I have found myself in, this mire of feeling sorry for myself, has to stop ...
... I guess this is why diaries are therapuetic ... you get to see the utter inanity of feeling sorry for yourself, and it becomes clearer what you need to do to change things ...
... the things that I need to focus on, are finding a job, getting into school, and getting a car ... and that is it ... whether or not I am in the same arc of my Mother doesn't matter, if I set a course and follow it to where it leads ...
... man ... I wish that I had kept a diary when I was teen ... or even a pre-teen ... would have made all the difference ... oh well ...
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