... on my way to Wheeling...
... it just hit me, actually, it isn't the first time I had this moment in my recent life ... I mean a big part of AKA's attraction to me, has been her ability to feel comfortable with her own failures because I am working far beneath my ability as well ...
... what has always been the difference, is that I dare to struggle to reach for a higher level ... in fact, I have no other choice, as it is essential for my survival ...
... people like AKA, who have the option of wallowing around hopelessly, because there is a safety net, in her family, that I have never, nor will ever have, just annoys me ... I mean, that is even MORE of a motivation to dare to fly as high as possible ... but sitting here in her cluttered and confused house, I wonder if I am not slowly being pulled into her gravitational field ...
... ah, who am I kidding..? I wrote that just to take my writing chops out for a walk ... AKA isn't the way for me to go ... what has been gnawing at me, is the lack of effort in my OWN life to save myself ... I keep looking back at my last job, and I just kick myself, for not efforting, and making my way out of trouble and establishing what I am dreaming of, and what will be ultimately an uncomfortable fit ...
... I hope that I can get some sleep on the bus ... the environment here, is not comfortable enough for me ... I mean, not only is the place cluttered like nobodies business, but I don't think the heat is on, and she is warming spaces by heaters ... so that is what fired up my mind, thinking back at how she just accepeted my deteriorating conditions at my Mom's house ...
... anyway, I expect to do well in Wheeling ... I feel a win coming on!!
No comments:
Post a Comment