Everything feels wrong. But it shouldn't. The last few days with AKA have hung over me since I have landed in the 517. What is more troubling, is that I have no reason to be looking back. But I am.
Stuff like this computer is bound to cause some trouble. I am going to have to start another screen name and let lil' Mook use that. The temptation to be mischievious is too great.
I can't explain what I am feeling. It reminds me of past mistakes, and the similarities are eerie. I don't want to feel trapped by my past, yet I am still wondering if this isn't somewhere I have been before, and suffered greatly.
Maybe if I was honest with myself, I would do better. That could be it, I am fooling myself, and in turn fooling with the hearts, minds and lives of others. I want to be so much to so many others, but what do I want to be with myself?
AKA finally admitted to me, how she feels. Now she tells me! I can honestly say that I don't know what I would have done had I had to face her admission prior to me coming to Lansing.
But there is no reason to leave Lansing, at all. Period. I am just going to have to face it, and live in the ... the bed I am making?? Maybe that is it ... I should unmake the bed, then make it up anew ...
So it is Mookie against AKA in my mind ... or is it just as I was once called ... an 'emotional terrorist' ... and this is just another case of more evil that lurks in my mind ... what on earth do I want to be, that I am not already??