Sunday, July 18, 2004

Steady, steady ....

A Grand Don’t Come For Free …

             See, I am tired of all of this confusion in my life.  One of the things I am most tired of, is being strung out on message boards and chatting with people who though they are in places I have been near, or would like to go back to, I am never going to see.

             The problem is, that to see them would conflict with my immediate direction.  Putting things in perspective, I guess it is time that I limit my on line message board-chat schedule.  I sense that people are out there, pretending to be what they wish they were.  This flies against my personal coda.  The echoes of remnants a code of honor, along with the ruins of what I once aspired to be, won’t let me be anything other than what I am.  Or be anything that I was.

             The focus, is, on what I will be, living in the present to create my future.  Deception has no place in building a stable and desired future.  So, my each and every step will be measured against what I want to be, and not against who I was or even what I am.  That is wallowing in the past, and being lost in self-pity for the sake of being less of what you could be.  Living and finding in one’s history justification for being the schmuck you are, and will be.  Learning from it, the past, and one should find the strength to overcome oneself.

             And so, I shall.

             Having had the first reading of my life, and having a reader, generalize in a way specific to me, I feel emboldened, and still hopeful.  I was told that I should not give in, and that I should press on, and stay the course.  It felt strange, because although she was speaking in generalities, it was that she seemed specific to areas of my own interest.  So my heart was beating fast.  I may get one of those charts for my life, and see what it says.  I even have the girl’s card.  I will hopefully get it done before I leave for Lansing.

             Getting ready to take a deep breath, and go on and go forward with a plan, and not some random occurrence.  I want to make my life happen, instead of life happening to me.

2 comments:

lovmusic313 said...

THIS WHOLE POST REMINDS ME OF ONE OF MY ENTRIES ABOUT EXISTENCE VS LIVING. YOU ARE GREAT WITH WORDS.

NeenaLove said...

don't know how i found your blog but i'm glad i did.

hope life stopped "happening" to you and that you are now making it all happen. :-)