STUFF THAT I THINK THAT I THINK ABOUT

SAAVIK


Even if I did not prefer plus-sized women this would be the reason it is hard for me to believe that there is anything wrong with Kirstie Alley. When she started to make money off of her weight, I was stunned at first because she did not look anything but good to me! If I was a psychologist I would try to find out how the American people fail (what I am calling) 'the first law of operational intelligence', because as many men and women who carry around many more pounds than they should, calling out an actress as ‘fat’ because she does not fit a standard that the majority of people not only are not close to but NEVER have been in their lives, is something that astounds me!

PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE MORE WELL-KNOWN


Yup, I watch a lot of You Tube. Sometimes I sit around and listen to the songs that I hear on the music channels via my cable subscription and other times I just surf around for different songs, nothing special. But I don’t know how or why I began to follow these two young ladies, Hayley from Australia and Whitney, who as far as I can tell, is bi-costal (she flits between Portlandia and NYC, if I am right about her).


Last year, I think, Hayley got a job performing in Hong Kong. She is an amazing talent and her cover of ‘Grenade’ by Bruno Mars has so much emotion that she doesn’t cover the song as much as she own it, and whether that is whether anyone agrees with me or not!




I think that the song (actually since I like Bruno Mars, I have always thought that…) the song describes some of what I went through in my most recent relationships. Anywho that is another post! I just want to get ‘HayHay’ some more views and maybe a few more fans for her videos. She had just put out a few more songs and you can go to her channel and check out even more of her original songs as well as her covers.



Whitney (or Whit, or maybe even Witified) is a super cool young lady who combines vlogging, skits and her original songs as well as covers in her videos, harkening back to the days of Carol Burnett and all the variety shows I watched when I was young. She is a raw talent and has barely scratched the surface of her entertainment skills, IMO. But that is easy for me to say, right? There are so many different factors involved that it takes more than being able to ‘do’ something to make it big…


Anywho, this song of hers ‘to some lost friends’ echoes feelings that I have had to carry with me throughout my life. Yeah, I have a strange relationship with ‘friends’ but there are some people who I miss in the conventional way that people are meant to ‘miss’ good friends and loved ones. I miss my ‘babies’, the twins, who I took wherever I went. I did the same with all of my sibs (I can honestly say that I was not one of those kids that was bothered by having to babysit his younger brother and sisters). I remember ‘missing’ them when I came home from the service and I did not recognize my ‘little’ brother, who had shot up to a towering 6’2 in the four years I was away in OD green!


I miss my roomie from college… he was one of the few, and I mean few (the only other one that comes to mind is a trainer I had while I boxed professionally) men that I felt comfortable talking without reservations to, no matter the subject matter. He has ‘grown’ but not in the way that the twins or my darling brother did. I think that he has truly ‘evolved’ and is on a completely different plane of existence. I wish that I could see him (he does visit home in Carolina regularly) because I would love to see the difference from being a young man in search of the man he was to become, now that he has found him.


Then I miss… lessee, how do I describe the third person that I miss? It is kind of awkward to talk about them because it is one of those ‘surface contradictions’ that people who cannot fathom anything beyond the visible level would see and then they’d say, “but I thought you were so – ‘blah, blah, blah’”, and toss out critical judgments out of condemnation. But that is the refuge of the self-righteous, shooting straight past other nuanced qualities like sensitivity and understanding, instead preferring to finger-point in hypocrisy.


AnyWHO… who IS this third person that I miss? It goes without saying that I miss my ‘blood’, my girls, my Mom and my darling brother, so they are always accounted for, so I can’t actually ‘miss’ them. No, this person is someone that is made out of the ether, the wisps of thoughts that I did not know that I had, somehow pulling themselves together to form an ideal, a prototype of who I would ‘want’ (all while without my knowing that I want someone).


This person isn’t just an imaginary someone… but neither are they ‘real’, at least not in the way that ‘real’ is to most people. Often, I don’t know what they look like or what kind of person they are until I ‘see’ them, with my inner ‘third eye pysche’. I don’t know how else to describe what goes on… the two great loves of my life (remember, I was given at LEAST two of those..!) were women who appeared in my life at a time in my life that I thought ‘this’ but it wasn’t related to ‘that’ and before you know it, BOOM (goes the dynamite!), we were together.


And it worked out. So fate, destiny, they both work for me. I am willing and brave enough to that them by the hand when they reach out, when they call to me (again, my recent history would inform you as to how I react to Destiny’s calling). I don’t hesitate (otherwise I’d have found a reason to wait until I thought I was more comfortable financially and spiritually to move here) when called upon, and I ‘wait’ for my calling patiently by doing what I am supposed to do, being determined in where I’ve decided to go.