Did the retest on the section of the assessment exam this week and knocked it out of the park. I have to say that I actually expected to do well, not that the exam was that easy or anything but it is something about my condition that I noticed at the very start… I can not only still learn things but I still can access much of the empirical knowledge that I had amassed prior to being diagnosed with my brain injury. In fact, I used to think that MD had a problem with my being ‘smarter’ than she was. Her jealousy would manifest itself in little ways but was evident when it came to helping lil’ Mook with her homework. Do not get me wrong, lil’ Mook is a smart girl and I am sure she is still doing well. But both her English and Composition, along with her math grades were bolstered by my tutoring and her Mom did not have a good enough handle on the work to explain the lesson to her.
Anywho, one of the reasons that I have so much confidence in my ability to go to school and come up with ‘something’ (cause I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up… that is a topic worthy of a post of its own) is that when it comes to hard data, facts, problems that have theoretical proofs that lead to an answer, I can manage that. Relationships are not governed by hard data, and while it may seem that there is some subjectivity to how I live and love, I don’t see it that way.
In fact I think the word ‘theory’ is vastly underrated. Either that or the word is grossly misunderstood by laypeople. Like reality, a theory is what one is left with once every other possibility has been eliminated. The reason that there is an amount of doubt when someone uses the word ‘theory’ is that at any given time, some random event can occur in nature without an apparent cause. So the theory expresses the possibility that something else can be the answer, that some other set of circumstance can determine the same result. That is one of the differences between a theoretical belief and other systems that claim to be certain even in the face of questioning that the system cannot satisfy. But that is getting too far off track for this post… to explore that tangent further would ruin the symmetry that is in my mind right now.
...AND THERE ARE MORE STORMS A-COMING
The first week of the month I had a near-disastrous incident that shook me up and Sunday I had a similar but a slightly less-consequential mishap befall me… what is a brother gonna do? The money that it will take to replace what I have lost is money that I don’t have and worse than that, the information it contained is going to be difficult, if not impossible for me to replace.
So I have been shaken badly by what went down. That is the ‘ugly’ of things. The ‘bad’ is that Nebraska and I have fallen out (but she did text me when her oldest daughter received her BS so we will see…) yet again. But the good is that I finally Skye has accepted my request to show her as my daughter on Face Book. This is what she looks like:
(she still reminds me more of her Mother than she
does me!!)
Who knows..? Maybe she will give me a call… oops! That’s won’t happen anytime soon, as I have to come up with a phone. And I will have to get a new number, too. Dag!!
I have never been able to verbalize whatever ‘it’ is that I am going through because I am constantly in the process of going through ‘it’. After all, what else can I tell myself other than I will get through whatever is before me? Even if what I am doing to myself by trying to live on my own is madness, it is a necessary madness.
One day, soon, I will find a way out of this mess.
