General update

IYKYK

‘Nuff said.

I get a lot of spam calls and of course they use the 402 area code. It is like standing on rose thorns,  deep enough to be uncomfortable but not critical to the functioning of the body or the affected area to be overly concerned with. 

The reason I dreaded moving from Omaha is that it meant that I was metaphorically and literally a backwards step.  That it was imposed upon me by my health and well-being only makes it more complicated.  The idea of me being unable to trust myself outside of my apartment ( which includes Planet Fitness, Food Lion, and the drug store) is as foreboding of a future as one can have. After all, Omaha was one of the few well planned experiences in my life.

There are several entries that are started but not completed.  I find it painful to go through my accounting of my day to day because there is nothing going on.  I don't have the desire to find out what is in Rocky Mount,  not because there is nothing to see (but, admittedly,  there is a risk-reward component to exploring as well, and I don't think I should have to feel compelled to expand upon why exploring is potentially too much risk for any possible reward), but I have not felt like I should  “press” myself into any connection-making.  

So, unlike my fall-off from journaling in Omaha, I feel covered by a weighted blanket of sadness.  This is a feeling that you (at least I do) see in the eyes of people in town and I think that I am falling prey to the gravity of THEIR own festering misery.   It is not that you get the sense that Rocky Mount is that kind of place, but I am just not getting the kind of vibrational frequency that I  did when I was in Omaha.   In short, I will be journaling more.   Not that “now I am ready to get all up into my feelings “, but that  journaling Is going to help me navigate my desp--, er, my day-to-day. 

Getting ready to explore this process of my maturing is challenging.   For instance,  I have subscribed (and unsubscribed) to several local groups for older men and women to start some form of relationship on Facebook.   I could not help but feel choked by the desperate loneliness and summarily need, not desire,  for someone to be in their lives. I remembered in Omaha subscribing and meeting women, in fact, I met my Omaha partner that way.  But the Facebook dating groups smells like ‘old people’ and yes, I am ‘old’ in age but I still have a limber spiritual sense of being and I still have a youthful disdain for butterscotch!