I am thinking that I wrote about myself too much. Yeah, it sucks that this relationship is OVER. That much is clear. But since I am going to “get ghost” (which was slang in the early 80’s for getting out of a place with much haste) on Kitty, I felt that I could do an entry about the relationship slang and how the renaming of the old terms (getting stood up; the silent treatment, `et. al.) is the expression of women empowerment in society.
Women are calling bullsh*t on a lot of things… the 1980’s was brought us the vehicle, “The Burning Bed”. Even as a kid, I took the movie to be a sign that women weren’t going to take the crap that they used to… I mean, getting stood up and being ignored was something that was imposed upon women and that men were supposed to “keep their girl in line”, often by employing these ego-depleting tricks. Are any of these new dating trends really new or are they just being effectively reclaimed by women and exposed for the bull crap that they really are? By getting a load off my chest and using a personal example, the intention of my post was a little lost.
Ghosting has always been around. But now that women have power in relationships, so instead of passively allowing things to happen to them, they act according to their best interests, and that is what soci-, er, the patriarchy is getting their britches all up into a wedgie, or so I believe. This is not new characteristics being developed as it is what really happens when something is reclaimed. But, there is a danger in something moving into the mainstream. We saw this when hip-hop first made it into notice in the mid 70’s - early 80’s. There was always a battle for rap music and the hip-hop lifestyle… the Last Poets, who were among the early serious hip-hop groups, to Kurtis Blow, which was among the first rap stars. Listening to Afrika Bambaataa and the Soul Sonic Force, and their mix of Kraftwerk’s music, I thought that when being ghetto went mainstream it would be easier to control the masses. Instead of rising to a class, it has always been easier for the masses to drop a level, and then exploit the culture and go home than it has been for their to be a “balance”, and equanimity between groups where the best of both are of equal benefit. We are going to see that with all the new clever dating terms and things will go back to an equilibrium where men are still as dominant in relationships as ever, and everyone else remains everyone else.
That said…
As long as the patriarchy (and this includes female political leaders… there was not too much about Maggie Thatcher and her policies that seemed “feminine”) determine what makes it into wider society, it will be taken and made into something that benefits masculinity. It isn’t that ghosting is bad, but it is what makes it valid that creates the controversy. Me ghosting both the Mooks and Kitty can be seen as necessary because of extenuating circumstances. When Nebraska, Princess, and TWO OTHER WOMEN THAT I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO MENTION, went all Casper on me, I took it as karma. But it is a necessary thing, for the the same reasons that it was necessary before-- because the grand delusion that a person believes is NOT MY FAULT. That masculinity is “toxic” is not new… it ALWAYS HAS BEEN. Now masculinity is not maleness or manhood. Masculinity is what leads to wars and global economic crises. And it has led to what makes ghosting a valid way of getting out of a relationship.
Because I am not really all that good with intimacy and practicing it with people, I have always been concerned about breaking up with someone. I am often in “enemy territory”, someone else's hometown, with a lackadaisical family support. The friends that I make, I don’t want them to get involved in my domestic fail (otherwise, I would be out in the streets campaigning for “Mayor Pete”!). I work from the worst-case scenario and then build a plan to execute… and that is just me being me. Is it necessary..? I don’t want to be caught out, sooo….
Were I a women, the obscure and vague concerns I have would not be obscure, nor would they be vague. I am concerned that Kitty’s law enforcement linked BIL could make some calls and have me harrassed. Then there’s Kitty herself, ready to stalk and run over a bike riding brother. But like I said, those concerns are vague and not realistic… until they are. For most women leaving a relationship, THEY ARE.
So not only am I cool with ghosting because I have made use of ghosting people, but I see the necessity of why a woman may choose to ghost. If a woman wants to leave a man, she has that right. As many men who have made use of standing up women, it is hypocritical for society to make ghosting effeminate and to “shrink it” because it is something that “girls” worry about happening to them.
No…. I will not be writing about Incels and all of those luckless men who end up shooting everyone who isn’t as goofy and nerdy as them. Those guys can suck a** (but because I am me, I got my eyes on you!!)
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