Saturday, February 14, 2015

General update

This sensation... I don't want to call it a feeling because what is happening to me is not something that is in my soul as much as it is a thing that is draped around me.  All of the things that bring light to my heart is muted, the echoes of happiness tinny in my mind.  I went to my physician and she is going to change either the dosage or the medication that I take for my anxieties.  And not to try to deny or put in a different light my current emotional and mental state, but anxieties is simply the most accurate description of what I am going through.  Depression... what do I have to be depressed about?

Lexxie and I text frequently enough... and we are both looking forward to seeing each other this summer.  Were I fallen into a depression, then I would be thinking other thoughts than the ones I have surrounding seeing my youngest daughter this summer.  In fact, if the cards I play in the future fall my way, I can look forward to me and the Carolina Girls rolling out somewhere together in the future... would THAT not be something!

I had thought that I would do something like go see "50 Shades of Grey" for a laugh... but remembering the drivel that was the book and the reviews of the movie, on second thought..!  The movie that I do wish I had seen, "Interstellar", might still be playing somewhere and that is something I can think about for Sunday.  Failing that, finding "Interstellar at a theater, one of my co-workers has it bootleg and I may borrow his copy and watch the film.

After getting poked at by Princess on Facebook not to long ago, I wonder what her and any of the women I have encountered in Omaha have planned for Valentine's Day?  Yes, two of the three women that I have had dealings with (I mean, to say they we had "relations" would be a stretch, IMO) in addition to Princess have sent messages.  And I still am not counting text messages without any intention behind it as "speaking".  That is simply taking the coward's way out of, sending something as impersonal as a text message, with no real substance behind it.  And the reason that I even mention my failed romantic liaisons is to simply test whether or not I am feeling depressed about some stray emotional tumbleweed rolling through my being.

Next week I will schedule an appointment with my advisor to see which classes I will be taking next term.  With at least one class in the summer a real possibility, I think that if I manage to just get two classes in this spring, that I will be doing good enough.  Right now, though, making sure that I get up on time and get out into the world is taking up a lot of my energy and that is what I am doing... getting up and getting after it!

4 comments:

mrs.missalaineus said...

not happy to hear you are feeling the full funk of winter, but glad you talked to the doc.

stay strong

xxalainaxx

abbiestreehouse said...

Brains are weird things. I know from personal experience that when the chemistry gets off just a little bit, things go awry. I hope they get things back in balance for you soon!

abbiestreehouse said...

I watched a TED talk today, and it really resonated with me. I thought it's one you'd like as well.

Here's the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene

(It's also on my blog)

Ken Riches said...

Wished we lived closer...