Saturday, February 14, 2015

General update

This sensation... I don't want to call it a feeling because what is happening to me is not something that is in my soul as much as it is a thing that is draped around me.  All of the things that bring light to my heart is muted, the echoes of happiness tinny in my mind.  I went to my physician and she is going to change either the dosage or the medication that I take for my anxieties.  And not to try to deny or put in a different light my current emotional and mental state, but anxieties is simply the most accurate description of what I am going through.  Depression... what do I have to be depressed about?

Lexxie and I text frequently enough... and we are both looking forward to seeing each other this summer.  Were I fallen into a depression, then I would be thinking other thoughts than the ones I have surrounding seeing my youngest daughter this summer.  In fact, if the cards I play in the future fall my way, I can look forward to me and the Carolina Girls rolling out somewhere together in the future... would THAT not be something!

I had thought that I would do something like go see "50 Shades of Grey" for a laugh... but remembering the drivel that was the book and the reviews of the movie, on second thought..!  The movie that I do wish I had seen, "Interstellar", might still be playing somewhere and that is something I can think about for Sunday.  Failing that, finding "Interstellar at a theater, one of my co-workers has it bootleg and I may borrow his copy and watch the film.

After getting poked at by Princess on Facebook not to long ago, I wonder what her and any of the women I have encountered in Omaha have planned for Valentine's Day?  Yes, two of the three women that I have had dealings with (I mean, to say they we had "relations" would be a stretch, IMO) in addition to Princess have sent messages.  And I still am not counting text messages without any intention behind it as "speaking".  That is simply taking the coward's way out of, sending something as impersonal as a text message, with no real substance behind it.  And the reason that I even mention my failed romantic liaisons is to simply test whether or not I am feeling depressed about some stray emotional tumbleweed rolling through my being.

Next week I will schedule an appointment with my advisor to see which classes I will be taking next term.  With at least one class in the summer a real possibility, I think that if I manage to just get two classes in this spring, that I will be doing good enough.  Right now, though, making sure that I get up on time and get out into the world is taking up a lot of my energy and that is what I am doing... getting up and getting after it!


mrs.missalaineus said...

not happy to hear you are feeling the full funk of winter, but glad you talked to the doc.

stay strong


abbiestreehouse said...

Brains are weird things. I know from personal experience that when the chemistry gets off just a little bit, things go awry. I hope they get things back in balance for you soon!

abbiestreehouse said...

I watched a TED talk today, and it really resonated with me. I thought it's one you'd like as well.

Here's the link:

(It's also on my blog)

Ken Riches said...

Wished we lived closer...