Friday, July 18, 2014



I would be surprised if everyone who is reading this, currently or in the far-freakin’-flung future doesn’t have one, possibly more, persons who uses social media as a platform for their bitchin’ and moanin’, pissin’ and cryin’.  I know I have several on my feed who are close to me (as many of my Facebook friends are), and most recently, one who has begun to get under my skin (somewhat, as “Facebook don’t count”) has been my youngest daughter’s Mom, Pecan Sandie.  She is going through “something” and has made a move… which I have never been updated on, and since her comings and goings affect Lexie, I would figure she’d at least given me a heads-up, courtesy message… but nevermind that.

Whenever I have had reason to explain the comings and goings of our relationship, particularly our past, I simply shrug and say, “Hey, I was d*ck,” or something to that effect.  It is simpler and easier that trying to explain the intricacies of why the relationship failed.  But in the past two weeks, she has made some postings that if she wasn’t the Mother of my youngest girl, I would have “trolled”, because they are truly the postings that touch every meme, trope, of social media.  For instance…


This is among the more frightening kind of posts that go around social media, no matter the platform.  Two words: SOCIAL ENGINEERING.  It makes me shudder a little, in the recesses of my frightened soul for the future of humanity.  I can’t believe that anyone could not see through these kinds of things for what they really are -- someone creating a hook into their mind and forcing them to identify with a statement, that with subtle alterations, would have them and their friends, willingly give up the freedom of independent thought.  Preying on the loneliness and the abject emptiness that is the gulf between the things they feel that they need and what they actually receive in their lives.


I won’t screed on this picture too much.  I don’t want to go into the questions of theology but what bothers me about this kind of posts is my understanding of prayer and asking of the Creator.  I have always thought that you were supposed to go somewhere quiet and have that discussion and that the preaching in this post is best made by those who are more qualified than you are to make such an observation.  And if you are going through things, I think that my man Winston Churchill said it best… “If one is going through hell, it’s best that one keeps going.”  “Like bait” like this draws attention to “you going through something”, which defeats the theological purposes for making this kind of crap post.


This kind of crap is so freakin’ trite!  Ooh, it is like reading the tones that are nails dragging across a chalkboard and hearing the notes in your brain!!  Make like the classic Nike slogan and JUST DO IT and quit telling everybody that you WANT (because if you are posting this crap, then you are not actively “doing” anything!!) change and get the hell up and BE the change you claim you are making in your life!  What the hell..!?!


I get it… I mean I really, really do.  I get all of this.  BUT, my biggest, maybe the ONLY question I have regarding stuff like this is what obligation is the supposed adherent under?  See, the unspoken contract with this sh*t is that you, the claimant, are fulfilling your end of the bargain ?  I have no freakin’ problem with calling out someone on this, because it is easy to.  My former supervisor who noticed my hand badly swollen from a gout flare, who took her evening and devoted it to my well-being, in spite of prior plans or whatever, has it in her character to make this claim, even as my observation is purely platonic.  So when she needed help moving, I was there and available.  See, that is how that works, not simply saying the right things, but getting up and DOING the right things, when it is time to DO the right things.

If she had said, “Oh Mark, I would have taken you to the hospital if you asked!”, after I lost some of the use of my hand, or if I had told her, “Oh, I could have helped you move,” after the rain ruins her refrigerator that she had to leave out because she needed “one more pair of hands”, to get it inside before the storm, what would have been the use of being ANYTHING, much less a good man/woman is, if all it is to you is a clever post on your feed?


More stuff from the “I get it” files.  I mean, I do.  See, Mookie Dee and the SFC would not have happened if I was “chasing” something.  Those were calculated steps that I took and now looking back, I see that they were necessary for me to grow and determine the direction to where I was going in my life.

In ways too numerous for me to explain, this should be self-explanatory.  Should one ever find themselves in a position where they feel “compelled” to chase someone or something (as opposed to being willingly engaged in a chase for someone or SOMETHING), then I would expect them to review the purpose of their relationship to the object or goal of their desire.  Whether they should or shouldn’t isn’t for me or anyone outside of the pursuer to say… I know that I would not risk chasing someone who did not want me to catch them, but even in the chase, there are things to be learned about oneself.  Anywho… people who make this a regular part of their attention-seeking pity/talmudic wisdom post on social media seem to me to be destined for continued aimlessness in their lives.


Other than Nebraska and the SFC, I don’t have anyone that I “know” reading my rants.  Though I have begun to count several readers among my intimates, the thing is that they have confirmed for themselves the person that I am, observing that the variance between who I promote here and “the man we all know and love” is far less than “the margin of error”, so to that end, I claim to be who I say I am.  Also, “blog” is still synonymous with “journal”, and that is what I use this for.  Maybe if I weren’t walking around dizzy with issues of cognitive injury, assaulted by the venal and the pettiness of those in my immediate vicinity which drove me to journal, I would have ceased long ago.  Now, I have to wonder how long I am going to keep this up.  I mean, scripted journals go on and on, frequently measuring the length of the author’s lives.  Besides, the utility of my journal has served me well.

The primary reason for this post is to contrast Pecan Sandie’s postings with my interpretation to show how mismatched we were/are.  I cannot fathom of going back to Carolina for Lexxie’s graduation when I would have to lean on someone so unstable for my support.  Better I send our daughter the money and an invitation to Omaha than for me to go back to an area that I feel is declining and risk getting banged around because of indifferent attitude towards my well-being.

I rank self-pity extremely low on my list of desirable traits and qualities in the people in my life.  There is a science to life and not acknowledging this will mean you are likely ignorant of the disciplines that govern living.  One of the things that self-pity does is that it excuses you for your contribution to whatever condition you are in, allows for you to export your grief at your own ineffectualness at living in the hopes of gaining mistaken compassion and understanding for sincere emotion.

Look, the world gives not a sh*t about you and your troubles.  Whatever you have brought to the table is what you have to work with… and if all you have is a bag full of regrets, broken promises, and unfulfilled potential, then you are not going to get much in bartering.  Keep that mess, and figure a way to develop and resource in you the things that will be of value to the world… if not that, then aspire to be SOMETHING that is valued and work from there.

Pecan Sandie is a good kid and I really do carry guilt for our relationship.  Despite me singling out her mania (because she claims that people wonder about me and my comments on her vague “it’s not about me, but it is” posts)-driven Facebooking, I still hope that she somehow can find that missing piece, fill that blank space in her life, to where she knows contentment.  But for most errybody else who makes these kinds of posts… eff ‘em, especially if they can’t take a joke..!


Maybe the plane ticket will go back down to its mid-week price… I will be getting my ticket one way or another on Monday morning to South Bend..!  With good things ahead for Mr. Mischief, should there be an excursion to the Motor, the first round is on him, and that means I will be having a Guinness..!  I will let Skye know that I will be in town, and who knows… maybe Tee Jay will take time out of her busy schedule to drink a beer or two with us.!!  Ahh, good times if they happen and if they don’t, well, I still get to hang out in the Junction with Ken and Beth, along with Sheeba and the rest of the critters in Nutwood..!


mrs.missalaineus said...

being able to meet up would be awesome.

and i so hear you on the vaguebooking....there are already enough pouty, self-absorbed teens in the world already posting like that without adults mimicking them....


Babz Rawls Ivy said...

I read you.

abbiestreehouse said...

Wow, you covered a lot of ground in this post!

I wanted to add two things I learned at the temple, that sort of fit in with what you've written:

1) "Karma" means that were you are now is a result of the decisions you've made in the past- and just as importantly, it means that where you'll be in the future is the result of the choices you make now.

2) The only real prayer is "Thank you." Anything else is just commerce. :)

I'm so glad you update regularly. I love reading the things you write!

Ken Riches said...

Self-pity is useless, I much prefer to be pragmattic! Check FB message thread for a "go" to the motor city.