Hey, I am ALL RIGHT. Do not let your own prejudices to have you think otherwise. Sure, there is a lot of pain but I can manage. After all, that is what writing in journals are for, providing the outlet for angst and painful emotions. Shoot, if you have been reading me for any length of time, the passages that I have sailed through to get here were more painful than this. To be certain, I am in pain but I can handle it.
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
Last night Princess broke up with me. While things are not ruined between us, there is substantial damage and it is still too soon to make an honest damage assessment. This is not the first time we have had a breakdown like this, and they have essentially been for the same reason.
Shortly after we began talking in late 2010, she had a moment where went through a crisis of doubt about our relationship. I was willing to fly through the flak that she put up and let her remain as an active part of my life. By August, I had “unfriended this one” and then “friended that one”, changed my status and I had a girlfriend!!
In late October, a misunderstanding caused me to again alter my relationship status. After a conversation, we cleared things up and she even left a comment that attributed the change to an “unpredictable female”. Things were going well into the holidays, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s being very good for us. Then came this past week.
We did not have any real communications as she was out of town for work and had a bit of running around with her sons to do. Nothing really out of the ordinary, and then on Friday night, we talked about plans for Saturday. And THAT’S when everything changed...
I had mentioned that her two junior boys ponder such things as changing their last names and wondering if they can call my girls “their sisters”, and last week at the basketball game for #2 was no different. He asked her after the game “if I could be his step-father?” Then...
*sigh* The official line is that “You deserve more than I can give you, Mark”. Now, I have not heard that from a woman in quite a long time, but, okay. What does this mean to me?
Of course the situation is still fluid between us, but if you know me (or think you do), then you should know that I have taken appropriate measures for such a possibility. I have made it clear to Princess about my approach to her and relationships in general. She is also aware of her status as being a “three-to-make-two” situation, that is to say, a free “bonus shot” in my love life. After Nebraska and I were not able establish a more tactile connection between the two of us, I did give myself a “release” of sorts from the idea that I would remain single while in Omaha. And why wouldn’t I? There was still interest in me and women here were actually quite forward with their interests. That said...
When someone says that they don’t want to be with you, you should believe them. It ISN’T that she doesn’t want to be with me... she doesn’t feel she can give me what she thinks I deserve out of a woman, against my rebuttal and current level of comfort with the direction of our relationship. And that is fine if that is what she thinks... but isn’t after fabricating a rationale to not be with me twice, there is not a lot left for me to say or do.
I don’t think I need to ask Princess for a release as I was compelled to do with Nebraska. A break-up IS a break-up, and no matter why it happens, the fact remains that someone is unhappy with something IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Because it may not be YOU, does not change the fact that the relationship is fractured. Saying all that... I haven’t shut off her “light”. Other than my starter wife and Mookie Dee, I really have not had reason to do anything like that in my lifetime.
But it isn't like I am not prepared to invoke that option. Life goes on. Things could change and if they do, I will let you know. We are still “friends” on the social network and she STILL does not want for me to effect a status change. Yeah, I KNOW... but if something occurs, I will definitely note that here and not on Face Book.