Wednesday, August 8, 2012



It is not like a brother like Mark is thinking about erotica and sexuality because he is “horny” or anything like that.  Being perfectly honest, being able to control that desire was something that I finally got control over in my late 20’s.  So for me to ask anyone to come over because I was getting all hormonal about them would be slightly dishonest.  I like sex a lot but it is the intimacy that I crave the most.  The build up and the prevarications that lead towards a sexual episode is what I desire.  And it does not have to include intercourse… for me, knowing that a woman wants me is nearly as fulfilling as a sexual episode.  So for me and my girl to walk around one of the parks out in West O and talking about her boys and watching other couples holding hands as they walk past (and there are a LOT of couples that do that around here) us on the walkway, and for her to stroke the palm of my hand with a finger, that is as good as making love for me (well, it is at least the equal of a ‘quickie’!).

Point in hand… I would post my observations of watching Mookie Dee dress for work in the mornings before I would go out in my "jogging 'round"… and in better times in our relationship, I would relay those moments to her, via an email or a text message.  We would be out and I would whisper in her ear what I was thinking about as she was trying on clothes or as she walked to the cashier to pay for gas for her car while I was pumping it in (see what I did there!!).  Each chance I got to make an “entendre”, I would almost always try to “double it” and watch her eyes light up.  I have thought that your desire for your partner should always be set at a “smolder”, only waiting for an accelerant or more oxygen for it to breathe and become a blaze.  But that is me and that is, as I mentioned, why I asked if my girlfriend had read “50 Shades of Grey”.

Think about it… all too typically, sexuality is by gender is very chauvinistic.  It is fine for men to be “players” and to have all manner of experiences with women, but you let a woman be revealed as one who has been around and it is a different story.  And this is where my attitude regarding sexuality and erotica comes into a great advantage.  As the “…of Grey” example shows, by normalizing the topic and making the book’s subject matter a part of our conversation, the air is clear and can be filled with almost all kinds of erotic conversation.  So by my normalizing almost all kinds of sexual behavior and desires, I think that most of my partners have felt empowered in the kind of sex that they have been able to enjoy with me.

Women are also a different kind of victim from their objectification.  Should they have desires of their own, they are more than likely to be ignored or made to feel ashamed of their thoughts.  Man, let me tell you that is the biggest crock!  First, I am going to tell you fellas, if I hear of your girl talking about what she wants and needs not being met, I am going to “bang” your girl, metaphorically I mean.  See, I think that the way that sex works best is when it brings people closer and it is a shared pleasure.  If only one person is “getting theirs”, do you know that the other person is going to “get it” from somewhere?  That is for real and not for play.  Sexual dissatisfaction leads to what I call the “burnt toast” conundrum, where suddenly the woman in a relationship is not finishing off the simplest tasks around the household.  This can manifest in other areas but usually it means the same thing – something ain’t right!!

Another problem that this creates is the pressure from the sexual repression that some women experience for most of their sexual lives leaves them feeling “cheated”.  Particularly if the man in the relationship has at least had the opportunity to explore erotically in his life and she hasn’t.

Well, I guess I will get back to updating on what is going on in my day-to-day.  It hasn’t been much and this is a super great thing!


Beth said...

well, you KNOW how I feel about this, since we've had this conversation before.

"If the cupboards are full, you eat at home. If the cupboards are bare, you eat out"

nuff said.

FrankandMary said...

If I love the guy(which this one I have for a long time)smolder is almost always present. I like smolder.

* Ashleigh * said...

Obviously I have gone outside my boundaries in order to please my lover (at the time). Sadly he rarely reciprocated what I needed, which was a basic thing: initiating sex. There's something innate about women liking men initiating sex; very primal and a turn on.

Also, some women have become hypersexualized in that so much pleasure causes the opposite effect.

In my case...I'm undersexed :P Two years too long...