SO IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IT SEEMS LIKE THIS, THEN WHY ARE YOU NOT TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT THEN?
It is not like a
brother like Mark is thinking about erotica and sexuality because he is “horny”
or anything like that. Being perfectly
honest, being able to control that desire was something that I finally got
control over in my late 20’s. So for me
to ask anyone to come over because I was getting all hormonal about them would
be slightly dishonest. I like sex a lot
but it is the intimacy that I crave the most.
The build up and the prevarications that lead towards a sexual episode
is what I desire. And it does not have
to include intercourse… for me, knowing that a woman wants me is nearly as
fulfilling as a sexual episode. So for
me and my girl to walk around one of the parks out in West O and talking about
her boys and watching other couples holding hands as they walk past (and there are a LOT of couples that do that around here)
us on the walkway, and for her to stroke the palm of my hand with a finger,
that is as good as making love for me (well, it is at
least the equal of a ‘quickie’!).
Point in hand… I
would post my observations of watching Mookie Dee dress for work in the
mornings before I would go out in my "jogging 'round"… and in better times in our relationship, I would relay those moments
to her, via an email or a text message.
We would be out and I would whisper in her ear what I was thinking about
as she was trying on clothes or as she walked to the cashier to pay for gas for
her car while I was pumping it in (see what I did
there!!). Each chance I got to
make an “entendre”, I would almost always try to “double it” and watch her eyes
light up. I have thought that your
desire for your partner should always be set at a “smolder”, only waiting for
an accelerant or more oxygen for it to breathe and become a blaze. But that is me and that is, as I mentioned,
why I asked if my girlfriend had read “50 Shades of Grey”.
Think about it…
all too typically, sexuality is by gender is very chauvinistic. It is fine for men to be “players” and to
have all manner of experiences with women, but you let a woman be revealed as
one who has been around and it is a different story. And this is where my attitude regarding
sexuality and erotica comes into a great advantage. As the “…of Grey” example shows, by normalizing
the topic and making the book’s subject matter a part of our conversation, the
air is clear and can be filled with almost all kinds of erotic conversation. So by my normalizing almost all kinds of
sexual behavior and desires, I think that most of my partners have felt
empowered in the kind of sex that they have been able to enjoy with me.
Women are also a
different kind of victim from their objectification. Should they have desires of their own, they
are more than likely to be ignored or made to feel ashamed of their
thoughts. Man, let me tell you that is
the biggest crock! First, I am going to
tell you fellas, if I hear of your girl talking about what she wants and needs
not being met, I am going to “bang” your girl, metaphorically I mean. See, I think that the way that sex works best
is when it brings people closer and it is a shared pleasure. If only one person is “getting theirs”, do
you know that the other person is going to “get it” from somewhere? That is for real and not for play. Sexual dissatisfaction leads to what I call
the “burnt toast” conundrum, where suddenly the woman in a relationship is not
finishing off the simplest tasks around the household. This can manifest in other areas but usually
it means the same thing – something ain’t right!!
that this creates is the pressure from the sexual repression that some women
experience for most of their sexual lives leaves them feeling “cheated”. Particularly if the man in the relationship
has at least had the opportunity to explore erotically in his life and she hasn’t.
Well, I guess I
will get back to updating on what is going on in my day-to-day. It hasn’t been much and this is a super great