IS IT ABOUT SHADES OF GREY OR IMAGES SILHOUETTED IN BLACK AND WHITE

BEFORE I GET INTO RAMBLING

I love my life story and all the characters who've played a part. All the good guys and even the villains. I didn't do things the way most people would have done them, but I did them the right way for me. What a great life with so many great people along the way. I'm a lucky man. Tito, bring me a tissue.

That is something that I got from one of my Face Book friends, a boxing writer who I met when I was a pugilist.  I think it plays nicely with the Camus quote I used in my previous entry.  There is not one person in my life that I would have wanted to be edited out for any reason, and that includes my “wonderful” starter wife.  Now I am not going to say that I have always felt that way towards her but I can admit that I have strove to that end for my entire adulthood… the essence of this has been ever encapsulated in the phrase, “You should have done better in high school,” which I feel covers nearly all of the regrets that a person carries with them as an adult.

 Online I have met a lot of wonderful people in my life, just as the writer that I mentioned from whom I borrowed this “status update” from, and almost as amazingly, I have met people from online who are just as cool as they come across in person as they do here in the internet.  Ken, or better known as Bucko to some of you, is tops among them.  The comment that he left was touching and it has been heartfelt!!  Thanks for your kind words and I want you to know that they are very much appreciated.

COMBAT SALACIOUS REMOVAL (No, I don’t know what that means only that I think that it is “kewl”!)

The purpose behind my Face Book account has changed since I first opened it.  And now from having a specific reason behind it, it is a place where I frequently post and share racy content, interspersed with the odd salient prose or observation about current events.  When my girlfriend asked to “friend” me, I had to tell her that I post NC-17 in between the thoughtful and even insightful stuff that comes to mind, so that if she had any family, friends or work related folks who might see my ramblings and be bothered then she should not subscribe to my feed.  She said that she could hang, so I have continued with my innuendo-laced participation on Face Book.  Additionally, I explained to her that if anything, she can look at my postings as truly intimate notes to her, as I am a cat who lives on the frontier of his sexuality, which is part of my “being forward” principle to living.  Rather than bother her, it acts as a spark to see some of the things I have shared on my page, as we both have that knowledge of each other.  So it is kind of like we are linked through a fetish, which is to be exhibitionists’ online, one aggressively and the other passively.

There was a time where I would occasionally have someone leave a comment on a blog entry presupposing that I was a “nice guy for a gal” and occasionally they would even suggest that they knew someone that they would introduce to me were my travels to include their general location.  A few folks, female preferably (but if they were male I could only understand why!), even flirted with a brother.  Meeting another potential lover was never a major concern for me because I simply do not have an issue meeting someone to fill that area of my life.  Also, I would wonder what they REALLY thought would happen once they introduced a friend or theirs to me and we did grow closer, even to where we were intimate with one another.  I mean, if this prospective arranged date was to flower, how comfortable do you think you, dear reader, be with KNOWING that the sparks were getting banged out of their good friend’s bed?  And though it is only a bit of hesitation, because I do like “the game planning” that I put into a woman, I would take the date.  Then… hey, I am jus’ sayin’, coffee dates on Saturday would become a little uncomfortable with your friend, her face flushed,her hair slightly out of order and clothes a little ruffled, as each time you begin to tell her something there is a faraway look glazing her eyes… and you KNOW why she is wearing that look… because I have already told you what I am going to do with her!!

Now back to my girlfriend and me.  We already were enjoying a fulfilling intimate relationship with one another prior to the “50 Shades…” phenomenon.  But a cat like me saw a little bit more potential with her and I did not want to leave a stone unturned so I first asked her if she is a reader, and she confirmed that she did read books other than the one that her employer gave her for X-Mas (that no one on his staff had read!!).  So on confirming that she does read for pleasure, I asked her if she had read “50 Shades…” and MAN!  As amazing as her reaction was, it was nothing that I had not expected, not because of the book and its content, but from the way that our culture deals with sex.  I am the FIRST cat she had the kind of conversation about the book and her sexuality that we had IN HER LIFE!!  Vainglorious!!

Anywho, whether she had read the book or what I thought (or think now that I have read it) of the book did not matter.  What DID matter was that by asking her about the book, it allowed for us to have a frank and open dialogue about sexual expectations and desires in our partnership.  See, by letting “50 Shades…” be the topic, the discussion would have allowed me to talk about more intimate matters without the initial discomfort that our Puritanical-based culture has left us with.  So this would have worked even if she had not read any of the novels in the series, as the idea has been introduced through conversing about popular culture, not through some forbidden and angst-laden social taboo.  By asking her semi-innocuously about something that is big on the “Ellen-Oprah-The View” circuit, I think a lot of the embarrassment and reluctance had been taking from the main topic: sexuality, more specifically, OUR sexuality.

Erotica is an area where I “faked it until I made it”, and even to this day, if I was to encounter a scene that I had not experienced before, I think that I could “fake it” until I had an understanding of what I was getting myself into.  From Erica Jong's “Fear ofFlying” to Anais Nin, as a KID, my ideas about what sex would be like was very different from my pre-pubescent brothers, and it goes a long way to why I was content to wait out adolescence before I concerned myself with getting laid (though I did have a couple of teenage experience, both of which, well, I will talk about later).  I was able to deduce that between the social stigma placed on women by society, and the reinforcing rules to support those biased from chauvinistic religious guidelines, I grew up thinking that if I wanted “a freak” to be with me that I first would make her feel comfortable with being a freak!!

Going back to my teenage interest in pornography… it was a brief fascination that was over for certain by the time I was in the military.  After I would feel my hormones all rush to that one area of my body, inevitably I would begin to think about the motivations of the women in the poses, what made them consent to the acts, and I reconciled with the level of social acceptance that those acts, particularly the women who participated in them, were at.  And I sh*t you not, I would ask myself, “If these acts make me feel a certain way, and I am obvious not alone in this feeling, why are they being condemned?”

ANYWHO…

This entry is WAY over budget!  I will more than likely pick up from here, because I can!!  Until there is peace in the Middle East, later!!