THIS JUST IN
I am apologizing for my screed on single Mother’s in a recent entry and
Black Women in general. It was written
with little compassion and even less understanding of what many women,
African-American or otherwise, must go through on a daily basis in providing
for a family, and in competing in the workplace, all with the pressure of being
the sole provider for their household.
There is no way I could fully appreciate the obstacles that many face
and many still overcome in accomplishing their task. My sincerest and heartfelt apologies go out
to anyone who was offended by my remarks, as that was not my intent.
Unfortunately, my outburst cost me one reader and judging from their
comment I see from where they made their decision. What makes the loss more notable for me is
that she is one of a handful that I have made acquaintance with through
blogging that I would readily call “my friend”.
So it stung when one reader who was aggrieved by my entry “returned
fire” and announced that they would essentially no longer be “my friend”. This person had been a part of my blogging
experience from my earliest days, and we have spoken to one another (occasionally) IRL. And while I will miss their comments and
fellowship on the internet, a more personal sense of loss was felt when they
decided to “put me down”.
When it comes to things being said about me, I give a lot of leeway for
negative comments because occasionally they are fairly accurate. Myself, I know that I have to own my transgressions
to account for, and why it is other than my starter wife’s violent streak, I
have little negative to say regarding my any of my daughter’s Mom’s, or the
relationships themselves. Many times
when relationships fail, they do so because of the absence of leadership and/or
direction, and such was the case in all three of the ones that I had with
Nixxie, Pecan Sandie, and my starter wife.
Whatever I was not able to provide them with as a partner and potential
head-of-household with, I admit to failing in that area, specifically. If I do have a point of argument with anyone,
it is over the idea that I come into a relationship “with nothing”.
Early as I began planning my course from “the provincial town that I
once jogged ‘round” to Omaha, I did not expect to be involved in a relationship
with anyone. This was not because I had
become soured on the notion after my fail with Mookie Dee, but precisely
because I was not someone who went around “bringing nothing” to a relationship. By the course that I was charting, I did not
expect to be able to participate as a full partner in a relationship for some
time and thus, did not anticipate meeting someone. But as much as I think this is about my
present, about my past I would like to say this.
When I met my starter Wife, I was a year removed from my hitch in the
Army. I was getting readjusted to being
in civilian life, driving the first of my three “Z” cars, and going to Henry
Ford Community College. I was still at
home, with my “Mom and ‘em” in the 48219.
It was pretty whirlwind-like, from just met to married in a little over
6 months and neither of us having a firm direction on where we were going in
our lives, or what we wanted. But I did
know how I was going to get there. What
I did KNOW was that I was on the path to getting there and if she wanted to get
there with me, then she and her daughter were invited along.
Anywho, there went whatever materiel that I brought into the
relationship that I had from my time in the service and subsequent employment
afterwards. When I left her and Detroit
to go away to Carolina, I would scramble my way into school, resume the focus I
had on “getting there”. When I would
eventually run into Nixxie and Pecan Sandie, again, I was working but instead
of school I was boxing professionally and doing quite well, if I may say so
myself.
I have spoken about how I went down to Greensboro with my car and all
my belongings stuffed in it, to where I had begun to achieve some success
boxing. I always worked, for a bit as a
welder in a manufacturing plant, and then as sales associate at a department
store, the latter job augmenting my income as a professional boxer. Again, I had “my own”, so to speak, so
neither Nixxie of Pecan Sandie had to “carry” me and whatever help they
provided with things or out-of-pocket expense they incurred prior to our
daughter’s being born were nominal at most.
No one has ever had to pay my rent, get a major repair on a car I owned,
or even bought me a video game for whatever video system I may have had at any
time. In short, I disabuse the notion
that I am/was a broken-down free loader, playing the emotions of women to sustain
my lifestyle. Shoot, it has only been
since I have been in Omaha that I have let someone else pay for a dinner and
given the few times that I have gone out with someone, in my eyes that is
barely worth mentioning.
No, I have not been the most stand-up cat in the world. But there are a lot of things that I have
never or would not do that other men may have chosen to do. And I have chosen to overlook “whatever” and
to see the person and not their issue.
But that is getting into a defensive position and that is not what I am
writing about.
Early on in my adolescence I made one of my earliest “executive
decisions”, which was not to bemoan my lack of lasting friendships. It never bothered me that I was left off the
invitation list of neighbor’s and school mates’ parties or social
gatherings. My esteem never suffered for
want of another’s company, and neither did my outlook or socialization. If anything, my adolescence provided me with
the attitude that I use today as guideposts for my relationships.
Were there any “specifics” to my diatribe? It does not matter now, but because it was a
by-product of why I continue to blog and my approach to socialization that I
am, well, hurt, for lack of a better term, over the reaction to my post. Going back to when I made blogging an active
part of my life, it was because of the relationship that I had with Mookie Dee had
led me to seek out “intelligent life” and hopefully get in touch with my
feelings as I dealt with my condition and as I plotted the next course in my
life.
When I do take the time out to make an entry, I put a lot of ME in what
I write. This is not only an attempt for
me to connect with people but it is a place for me to see what I am thinking
about and collect my thoughts amid the debris that is my current state of
being. My entry from the other day was
an accumulation of things that I do not I am OF but is a part of the situations
and conditions that others are IN. I do
not know what makes others think that I want to know of what they are going
through, as it stands I never offer my travails for conversation, or what
compels them to tell me the things that they do. I can understand if they were speaking to
someone that they knew, but other than me being a familiar face from being
around, no one here in Omaha other than a handful of people, REMOTELY know who
I am. There IS a valid reason that I
throw out the “keep your problems to yourself kid, I got my own” line, and
earlier this week it WAS that I had problems that I was addressing.
I did not think that I was “waxing poetic” about anything as much as I
was feeling a build-up of emotions and I wanted those feelings to be let
out. I was watching a video about a
meditation challenge and thought that it would be better for me to express the
feelings that working out could not expunge before I began to meditate. And besides, sometimes a journal is a good
place to let rash and immature feelings out.
So that is what I did. For me to
have spoken as rudely to someone who was confiding in me feelings that were
deeply held and personal is what I thought would have been insensitive.
Well, that about covers my apology for offending anyone. As for what I have been up to, today I
registered for fall classes and I got a job interview on Monday at a fitness
club. Still a bit hung over from KT and
I am anxiously awaiting our pictures!! Will
share them as soon as they arrive!!
And I am going to end this with an assurance that there is more than
likely more bloviating to be done in these pages. I apologize for my occasional rants and I
NEVER mean to offend anyone, personally, intellectually or spiritually.
Love & Rockets!
5 comments:
Hey Mark! This is your blog, your area to say whatever the heck you want. If it offends, well then it opens up the dialog for discussion. Sometimes being honest is ugly for others, and instead of seeing the lesson in it they focus on the ugly. Keep on being you :)
Paraphrasing Lincoln: You can please SOME of your audience ALL the time, and ALL of your audience SOME of the time - but you can't please ALL of your audience ALL of the time.
Every once in a while, you're just going to piss somebody off.
That just the way it is.
Not me, though.
Man, I've lost so many readers over the years because I've offended them with my thoughts and words that I don't much care anymore. But I've picked up other readers to replace them.
Not everyone likes what we have to say. But that's okay!
On a happier note, Flat Ruthie arrived today! We'll be sure to get a picture of her here at Nutwood before we take her to Florida! :)
L&R,
Beth
That topic is rather center of the bull's eye for many people. Not that you shouldn't address something that is on your mind on your own blog, just that when it hits there is always some casualty. What I do believe is that you never meant to offend or hurt anyone. ~Mary
Wishing you luck on the job, sounds like it is right up your expertise!
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