Saturday, April 14, 2012


This is such a killer song! The energy of the At The Drive-In Letterman performance pulsates through my monitor at me as I sit here trying to pull my feelings together. A more accurate song for the moment would be Dave Mason’s “We Just Disagree”. It isn’t that either of us really is incorrect about anything but I know that I have already been as compromising as I am going to be. That is why the Mason song, which I have mentioned before, as I sought to sketch an image of what has been going on with me and her for the past year or so, is more relevant. I sort of wish that I knew what One-Armed Scissor meant because other than being a stream-of-conscious kind of nonsense, I keep coming up with nothing specific. 

 I went to the Ray and Joan Kroc Center down the street from the Metro Campus on Friday to fill out an employment application and to inquire about volunteer opportunities for me and for my “Crown Buddies” group in my Human Relations class. Feel good about both prospects and Monday I will be following up on both! 

 Trying to resolve the question lingering in the Nebraska Concept… is there going to be an ‘internet wedding’, or at least some kind or coupling taking place between Nebraska and I? I don’t know… I have not seen her since the end of February when we went to see the film, ‘The Artist’. What is the most annoying about the ‘cold’ period between us, is that like most of our falling out’s, it happened without direct interaction. That is right, because though the web may have brought us together, the web has certainly done its share to pull us apart. At its best, Nebraska and I got on famously well together, and every indication was that our relationship was one of a sincere friendship and of respect for what had brought us together. But when things turn between us, they turned bitter and quickly. Since we never got close enough to say we ‘know’ one another’s character, I don’t have a guess as to why we aren’t connecting spiritually. That is especially frustrating since it was on that level I ‘felt’ her on. As she described herself and we talked online, I heard in her a lot of what I look for in a person and in a woman. Some of the things that I looked forward was being able to trust her, to ‘keep me in line’ when I would rush off into an endeavor, or begin to stretch myself out too thin. When we would talk, I’d mention how she could read over my daily’s and help me proof my writing. I thought we would collab on a story and that my first novel would include a full paragraph about how I could not have produced the work without her. And when I would slip into a ‘if we knew each other in high school moment’, the few times she would relent and ‘be’ my girlfriend, she would always tell me how she would encourage me to write and to think, not that I wasn’t thinking about doing something else already, but to pursue something less risky had we met ‘in high school’. (Did you know that it is late evening as I write on a Saturday night, and there is only the hum of the refrigerator, the occasional car going past my building outside, and the light from my monitor keeping me company? Do you know how COOL that I think this is??

 Anywho, I think that I have said as much as I am going to say about our relationship for now. She has her position and I have mine. As far as the rest of what I had hoped developed out of my relocation to Omaha that is going swimmingly well. If I could only have had one of two things pan out for me here, I definitely would take what I have had going so far.


mrs.missalaineus said...

i see such clarity in this mark. it's like you've been peeling an onion layer by layer and this is the last layer to come off before the core. and on the nebraska concept(the person), did you ever consider that it wasn't you, it was her. some folks are never able to replicate the greatness of their on-line personnas in real life. that is something only she can know and move forward from. you are you and as real on paper as you are in the flesh.


Have Myelin? said...

it is her, not you. i'm older and wiser. =p

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

But you never have to ask, what if?