Monday, March 5, 2012

General Conversation


The video for today’s entry is a live performance of Air doing their song, “Kelly Watch The Stars”. Hopefully the connection will be made to not only this entry but to my id and how it came to be that I would attach my spirit to the title of a book that is anything BUT hopeful. The internal conversation that I am sharing with you may leave some readers with the sense of foreboding, that perhaps my spirit is somewhat shaken or whatever. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am doing fine and I am feeling as good as I look!


The Grand Canyon is amazing. Someday, you will see it in person. I feel it.

Lou replied to a comment I left on his blog of a photo he posted of the Grand Canyon. While I did not recognize it, it did make me think of when I used to think that I would drive across the country, taking the backroads and two-lane highways that were the precursor to the awesome highway system that President Eisenhower had commissioned and we now enjoy. I have been to Colorado Springs but that is about as close as I have gotten to the Grand Canyon. I would love to go see it one day but if I REALLY had my druthers, I would go and hike in Nevada.

What an evocative name… “The Valley of Fire”. I would get a kick out of feeling the earth crunch under my feet with the sun high overhead. Taking a swig of lukewarm water from my canteen and wiping the remains off my parched lips with the back of my forearm, darkened by the brightness. That would be a thrill! As an added bonus, I would take a ride on the loneliest highway in the America while I was there, ‘x-ing’ things off my bucket list! Man, what a thrill that would be!! 

Kind of like the thrill that I feel when I am outside riding around somewhere and I let the “Englishman In New York” by Sting play in my mind, only substituting “Omaha” for NYC. I have listened to people talking about wanting to move from here “to this town” after struggling and never getting clear of “that town” with being moored “a town” that they can’t get from. They want to change their lives and do something dramatic, something that would compel them to breakdown their way of doing things, in hopes of creating some kind of new hope for their life. But what do they do..? And here I am, in the place that I said that I wanted to move to and doing the things that I said I would be doing when I got here for the most part! What a freakin’ kick in the pants this is!!

Anywho, if I didn’t get to hike down the Valley, I guess going to see the Grand Canyon would do. Especially, if, you know of course, I had someone special to share it with.  But it isn't like I don't appreciate being alone...


Dag, I wish I was like Jordan
So I could just fly through the air no one could ever stop me
Or, or like Mike Mike Tyson
So I could just knock people's heads off
Naaw, more like Prince
So I could pull all the honeys
Well a brother like Chi Ali is pullin all the honeys anyway
But still, it would be nice

Chi-Ali’s verse in the Black Sheep song, “Have U.N.E Pull” defines for me what it is to still want more but have the understanding that where “a cat like Mark” who is also like Prince (or Bieber or maybe Pitt, to update the model) is still “pullin’ all the honeys” anyway, still, it would be nice!

Talking about the over-caffeinated days and Ny-Quil nights of women gets to be a downer at times. I can’t adequately go into all the details without sounding like I hate women when I feel that I am actually sympathetic to their plight. But if the dating/relationship scene is a jungle, then as I have said before, I am an apex predator. It wasn’t a position that came by easily though I do think it was a result of natural selection… anywho, as an apex predator on the scene, reluctant as I maybe, still shape my conclusions on relationships between men and women.

Nebraska sometimes thinks that I “don’t like” black women because I seem, to her at least (and maybe a few others as well), to be usually hard on them for their role in the discord regarding connecting and creating loveships within the African-American community. Part of the reason I may seem that way is because I don’t spend a lot of time talking about the “less than good” experiences in my life with “the sisters”. When my relationship with Mookie Dee went into retrograde I didn’t do much “pissing and moaning” about what may have been going down. As big a deal as it was, I figured that it was more of karma paying me a visit.

My marriage, as uncomfortable as it was, still isn’t something that I will trot out as an example of anything other than youthful exuberance, which is not a substitute for another word beginning with the letter “E”, experience. Then there is Nixxie and Pecan Sandie. What went down between us went down, and that is that with that. This is not about making an indictment against women, vilifying sisters, and championing myself at the expense of the image that men have in relationships.

Yeah, I tal—THINK about and take contentious positions socially controversial and I can support my beliefs. Though I am passionate in what I think (what I think is what I KNOW), I am humble enough to admit when I am wrong, and I am also confident enough to change my mind when warranted.

Any-WHO… I guess I was a little too vague in my disclaimer that I posted with my previous entry. Eventually, I will get back to spoutin’ nonsense here and in reader’s blogs soon!


Lovebabz said...

Everyone has a story. I do not think you are talking about me and the Black women that I know when you are ranting about "Black Women" or "The Sisters"

I have learned from traveling around the world and sitting in a gazillion classrooms earning degrees that when folks make broad sweeping statements about "all" or "every" that they are talking about the "all" and "every" that exist in their universe. it's not personal to me or my experiences.

I have learned that everyone I have be involved with has been a reflection of what's on my mind and heart at that time.

We don't attract what we want... we attract who we are....

And therein lies the rub.

Who we are with is a direct reflection of what we value, believe, and think we deserve... like it or not. We attract what we are not who we want.

Thomas Alice said...

I never really got an any anti-female or anti-black-female vibe from anything you've written. I think everybody knows that you're writing from your own perspective based on your own experiences, and that your heart is always in the right place.

Jonthy Williams said...

My husband and I used to take 20 friends to the Grand Canyon every other year. We hiked rim to rim one year. If you ever go, don't just look over the edge. Take South Kaibab trail or Bright Angel trail to get away from the crowds. We also did a raft trip through the Grand Canyon with day hikes each day after anchoring on beautiful sandy beaches.