Saturday, December 3, 2011


Me and Face Book … UGH!

I made an executive decision to de-friend the SFC, not because of something she said or did, but because of embarrassing actions that I TOOK while we were friends on the website.

One of the things about me and what I find ‘funny’ is that I don’t know of too many people that share my sense of ‘funny’.  Not only that, I don’t know of too many people who think of Face Book as cynically as I do.  Sometimes, it is as though am insensitive to the niceties of social networking in the modern age, and there are some things that are inappropriate to say or do on these social network sites.
What I did is only between the two of us, the reason that I mention is here is that…


Got one new friend to replace the one that I ‘lost’ (I want to think it is only regarding the eponymous website and not our IRL friendship)…NEBRASKA!  Our relationship has begun to improve over the last few weeks to a month, and that is a good thing.  But it is the behavior of ‘the new Miss What-May-Be-Happenin’ that I am going to expand on here.  From a prospect, she has gone down in the charts and though she has the metrics to be an ‘All-Pro’, there are other intangibles that puts things in what I call ‘the in-between’, that place that defies classification and there is no event that can be quantified as a singularity that caused the rift in spacetime that ‘the in-between’ exists in.  After all, the ‘relationship universe’ is similar to string theory, in that Einstein’s physics begins to break down and all the rules that once logically were applicable are applicable no longer!

For instance, my entries where I spoke on the alleged ‘man shortage’, while I think that it is true overall, for the ‘sister-girl’ minority faction, because of their behavior there actually IS a gaping shortage in ‘bowl eligible’ men.  You only have to look at two sets of numbers… the number of black women v. black men who get bachelor degrees (and if you look at advance degrees… the numbers are… ick) and then take a gander at the amount of brothers who fail to get high school diploma’s (is it just me or does anyone else hate when people use the word ‘degrees’ to describe what you get once someone successfully completes high school?) and the amount of cats of African-American ethnicity who are incarcerated.  You don’t have to break it down by those who have diplomas or any other kind of education; the broad numbers are frightening enough.

Of course, there are two more statistics that are even more ironic when you consider them juxtaposed against one another.  Of any demographic, no matter how you slice it, there is no group MORE likely to marry outside of their ethnicity than, you guessed it, the brothers.  And who are least likely..?  That’s right… the sisters!  Ugh!!  The humanity of it!!!

The thing about the shortage is that women may need to adjust some of their goals if they want them to include a husband/partner.  There are plenty of other lifestyles for women to consider that can be as fulfilling as the so-called ‘ideal nuclear family’, which is another of those man-made concepts that may exist nowhere in nature.  And this is why…


Spending a lifetime in the margins and floating betwixt cliques and groups in society has been to me, insightful.  As much as I like the ‘formula to my success’ espoused by my man Freddie, the only absolute I really have is that I am very flexible.  And that is maybe the only absolute there really is in life.
I am not certain if the SFC is going to continue to take my calls after my stunt, but it will serve as the ultimate lesson in how to behave in my friendships.  I don’t think that I can say that there are reasons for my failings because that slope is extremely slippery, as slippery as the slopes that mankind currently is traveling, as if this dimension was a Phillip K. Dick novel come true.

But with Nebraska almost replacing her in my retinue of friends, we both will get to see if I can apply what I have learned, since both ‘de-friendings’ have my poor judgment in common.

As far as what any of this has to do with relationships, the answer is this: there is a point in relationships that once it has been reached, there can be no return.  The people inside of their relationship are committed to whatever consequence that will come of the ‘singularity’ that they are involved in.

I am going to make a personal example of this with my last relationship, the one I was in with Mookie Dee.  When I began blogging in earnest the last    quarter of 2007, it was because I had made the executive decision to honor the feelings that I had for Mookie, in spite of what may (which was confirmed, and you know what I was able to ‘confirm’) have been occurring in ‘her relationship with me’.  My thinking was that either she would respond to my participation in a positive way or she would not.  And if she chose to continue with her behavior, which was destabilizing the relationship, then I would have to accept and enter her ‘answer’ to my actions.  This would be the mark from which there could be no return.

Whether or not there is a ‘shortage’ of men, this where I think that the more dramatic heartbreaks and break-ups occur.  I think that people tend not to accept responsibility for THEIR ACTIONS, and instead try to find ways to modify the actions of the other in their relationships.  While I do think that it is okay to make a decision to take positive actions aimed at improving a relationship, it is not okay to take actions in the hope of changing someone.  You can only control what you do, and having done that, the next step is to take action on the new information that has presented itself after you have ‘done you’.
It is from here, I believe, that there is no turning back.  You have reached the terminal epoch in the relationship.  And wherever you go from here, the ownership of the consequence is on you…


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Absolutely agree that trying to change another is a fail of epic proportions. The only person we can change is our self. Glad things are still streaming well with Nebraska.

mrs.missalaineus said...

i agree with ken. it took me a looooong time to learn that nugget.


Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

I gave up Facebook about a year ago. I haven't missed it one little bit.