· expose something messy or dirty you’d usually hide.
I don’t know if these are things I have kept ‘hidden’ as much as I have never had much reason to discuss or ponder them to feel that they have to be hidden. First, is the reason I started washing my own clothes in middle school. Unlike lil’ Mook, for this rite of passage from childhood to adolescence, I did not have anyone around to tell me what was what.
The first time that I woke up with my underwear stuck to my pelvis is when I got motivated to read the back of the detergent box and the care and washing directions on my clothing. At first, I had no idea what was going on and I had to read about ‘nocturnal emissions’ to know what was going on and for how long I would have to put up with this happening.
Whether or not women share these kinds of experiences growing up or ever among each other, I don’t know. It has been sort of an urban legend that some women have the chance to ogle and judge another’s goodies and even play ‘touchy feely’ with them. But I can count on one hand the number of times I have talked with other guys about the different adjustments that they made as they grew through puberty.
Another thing that I don’t exactly ‘hide’ but have recently discovered is that I sweat a lot during coitus. The reason why is simple, at least for me it is. I blame it on my blood pressure medication, which I have been on since ’04. I never made the connection because after Tee Jay and I split and once MD and I got over the ‘newness of rediscovery’, my sex life nosedived to its current monk-like level. It wasn’t until a partner brought my excessive perspiration problem to my attention. My reaction..?
SEE… BUT FOR REAL, I’VE ALREADY GOT MINE
And because this is something that I really believe, I wonder if I could ever again be ‘motivated’ enough to want to deal with another woman on an intimate level. Right now, I am reveling in my solitude, free from the expectations or judgments of another. I don’t even have to ‘think’ that ‘I don’t give a f*ck’ about what was thought or said to or about me because right now, there is no ‘they’ for me to hassle with. There hasn’t had to be any adjustment to my behavior or character because I set the rules to how I act and what matters to me is simply what matters to me.
When it comes to my willingness to see if a partnership could develop between me and someone else, my history has shown me to be a willing cat, one who does not mind taking a risk here or there to see what happens. Now, not so much. What I am focused on right now very nearly precludes all the beneficial things that a relationship could provide and Van Damme, how many shots does a brother get at being a good partner? There are so many people who have had no real opportunities at the love that they want in their lives that I feel a little guilty about taking up slots and chances that they wished for and never received. But I get over it… after all, not all wishes come true…