Saturday, August 20, 2011



I don’t know if my ‘butt is tight’ because not only am I slightly modest about my body but I don’t judge the work that I do any measurement or by physical appearance. When I commit and do follow a training plan, I simply expect that I look like I FEEL rather than trying to look in order to feel better, savvy?

For instance, when I run there is a lot less ‘jiggle’ going on but I can’t say for certain if that means my rear is tight. When I boxed, I generated a lot of power from sitting down on my punches and making sure I turned at the hips, swinging my butt into the punch. Now does the extra room in my shorts mean my butt is tight? You would have to come and tell me because the only thing I can confirm is that I have lost a few inches and I feel really good. A boxing story pretty much sums up my philosophy regarding my weight and/or size.

Let’s say at age 15 I boxed at amateur light-heavyweight (178 lbs.). My last fight at that weight, when I got on the scale I weighed 2 lbs. over. I began to take off my shorts (because it was time to get naked!) when the official waved me off the scale and put my name in the bracket as having made weight. Walking to the dressing room to get ready for my bout, do you know what I thought to myself? “Well Mark, looks like you are a heavyweight (no more than 200 lbs.) now!!"

Over at my other blog, I posted about a study that said 15 minutes a day doing exercise can have substantial benefit toward improving overall health. So there really isn’t any excuse for not doing something to get in better condition and health. I am fortunate in that my connection to fitness has been linked to my pleasure center for most of my life. The endorphin release was happening with me before I was aware that is what was taking place. Anywho, while I have had thoughts about doing personal training as a vocation (still have to figure a way to get certification… it isn’t going to be hard but it won’t be easy!), I have never bothered with working out with whoever was my significant other. The reason that I mention this is because of my preference and how society views the kind of women that I prefer.

The thing about this commercial is how back in the 50’s the ALL looked like this!! I mean, Marilyn, Lana, and Jane all had hourglass figures and that is all that I see when I look at the above and the following commercial!  In fact, it is ALL I see whenever a full woman catches my eye!!

Same thing goes for Christina Hendricks because I while I see a sexy and luscious woman, her being a bit more thicker and rounded than say a Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie, doesn’t make her ‘big’ to me. For the longest time I did not know she was supposedly a little extraordinary for her figure because she simply looks like how I think a woman should look like.

Now I could go on to talk about my infantile crushes on Pam Grier and Lynda Carter, or explain why I did not realize I was bigger and stronger physically than my 5’3 190lbs. Mom until I was 22, but this isn’t that much about ‘me’. It is a little more about esteem and how once you REALLY give that to yourself that you never EVER lose it (and I am sure some other stuff to, but this is what motivated me to go into this direction).

I only had to ‘turn the corner’ to think more of myself ONCE in my life. Whenever I do a self-critique, I do so because I don’t want to fool myself and be in a situation unprepared because I thought so much of myself that I became blind to who I really was. A lot of my self-confidence stems from rounding that corner but people mistake ‘esteem’ with ‘confidence’ and I like to believe that I don’t. So I reign myself in on occasion and not let myself gallop off the edge of a cliff when trying to leap across a canyon!

Anywho… I did not get the memo that the waif was the new Venus, so when beauty became a matter of a single digit dress size, whoever was among my would-be object of my affection suffered a damaging blow to their self-esteem and their confidence. And don’t you know that is when everything changed…


I hate being called ‘a drama queen’. Not because I have anything against drama queens or even really being thought of or even addressed as one, BUT, the thing about it is you better say that with a smile, that is, if you are a part of my life. Someone on the periphery, hmm, shouldn’t the fact that they are ON THE PERIPHERY be a clue as to WHY they are there? Usually once that gets said it means the relationship has sprung a leak between you and me. Pissy, you say? Maybe, but this is where it gets complicated.

Though I separate esteem and confidence, not everyone else does and in spite of their accomplishments or how people see them, is this skill or talent that everyone else has. I think that if you feel good about yourself (self-esteem) then you can do whatever you set your mind to, you can do (which is where self-confidence is cultivated). People who have reason to be confident aren’t because they don’t feel good or like themselves.

And me… well, look, honey pie while hopes my rise on the Grasmere, that crap doesn’t play well here and so…

I don’t care what you were called or what was said about you, what you may think was said about you or what think the world says about you (when everyone knows that the world won’t listen!), because I am telling you what I THINK ABOUT YOU and how it is I SEE YOU. Now, if you have a contrasting view of the beautiful, wonderfully capable and talented person that I have eyes for, that has to stop. See, you aren’t only damning yourself with you woeful self-esteem but you are also saying that I must have sh*t for brains because of how I see you!

You know how women think they can ‘save’ a cat when they KNOW he is beyond salvage or at least their ability to reclaim? When I was in my twenties, I thought I could do something like that… ONCE. My ex-wife was not comfortable with herself, hated on me because the high school I attended confirmed I was smart and that I may have the same stuck-up attitude as my fellow pupils and had enough confidence that she had to keep me in check.

Whatever. And of ALL the mistakes I have made in my life, there is one that I like to think I have manage to stay away from, and that is being around someone like that.


…and I will pick this up from there. Tomorrow is a scheduled ride with Nebraska and some of her co-workers for something or the other… it is charitable! Catch you later, gator..!


Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

I love the Fruit of the Loom commercials Mark. I think that once you get to be a certain age (and I'm there) you worry about being in shape for your health rather than vanity.

I'm sure I could lose a few pounds but I feel good and I do 5 miles on a treadmill 4 times a week and just recently I've added a class called "Body Pump" where we life free weights to music for 60 minutes, twice a week. Boy, was I ever sore after the first class.

Her Side said...

As a thick chick who could lose a few pounds, I have to say, there are SO. MANY. MEN who think like you, Mark.

I remember when I was 4 sizes larger after having my son. I lost like 5 pounds and received complaints from brothas. Hilarious.

But I'm one of the lucky ones. When I get down to my "fighting weight," I'll still be thick and delicious. hehe

Her Side said...

oops. One more.

On the issue of thinking I could "save" one somebody, I waited until my 30's for that nonsense. Like you, it will be my one-hit wonder. I wish I'd played it during the twilight of my 20s. hehe

* Ashleigh * said...

How is it that this entry feels all about me? lol that's my confidence jk

Love this entry from beginning to end. I wish more men appreciated a fuller looking woman than a skinny shell of a tall adolescent. Maybe I wouldn't torture my self-esteem as much when I was younger?

To this day I wonder if I would be married by now if I was in better shape. Would I have caught the attention of a wonderful man who couldn't stand to be without me if my stomach was flatter? Sure people like to say real love loves the way you are regardless of the packaging. Well Kim Kardashian is getting married and that girl has the personality of an UPS box (boring yet shows up on time; her booty is her tracking #). So is it really all about physical attraction with a dash of personality or vice versa?

And I tried to "save" a guy when I was 20 and that didn't turn out right. HOWEVER, he was the best sex of my life and can clearly remember it with him better than any recent partner!

Love and Light :D

Lovebabz said...

Fighting weight. I have a number that I refuse to say out loud.

I like this post and those women are gorgeous. I was a model way way way back in the day for Macy's and a few boutiques here and there. I am tall and was considered a full size at size 14. I was perfect!

So I think my fighting size is a 14. You should indeed be a personal trainer. Hard? so what? You know come a long way, baby!

Lovebabz said...

Oh and I love love love those Fruit Of The Loom commercials. You know at some point they will cut a CD...they sound great! LOL!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

My issue is not my butt, but my gut. Working on that.

FrankandMary said...

I can still remember reading an AOL profile of a this was not a dating site...he was blogging..& the profile said: Please be under 135 pounds if you are a woman contacting me...ha....I was about 117-120, but I contacted him & said I was 250 pounds ;-).~Mary