Sunday, December 26, 2010



Hope everyone had a better-than-good Christmas. Yes Rosalie, I was among those who had a better-than-good Christmas, beginning on Christmas Eve. Nebraska and two of her girls dropped by and it was nice to have someone actually visit me and elevate the mood around here.

Since she would be busy on Christmas Day with her own family she decided to drop my gifts off the day before. I was instructed to sit down and open my packages, one gift, and a set of TV tables not being in any wrapping set against the wall to the left of my front door.

I did well as far as a haul goes, too. I was given a book, a sweater, dishes and silver wear, and griddle in addition to the TV tables. As I mentioned that I am not picky about gifts, so for her to play Santa bringing things that I could use and want meant a lot to because I did not expect to receive gifts from her, at least not this year. Adding to my surprise was how quickly ‘my Santa’ responded. Like I mentioned earlier, the utility of a gift means more to me than what someone wanted for me, because that is subject to their subjective estimations and assumptions.

Having Nebraska go out of her way (again) for me meant a lot. From a normal, ‘good Christmas’, I had a ‘very good Christmas’.


Here is an example of what can potentially happen when rely solely on your own values to base your sense of what ‘everybody’ thinks or feels. Even when your ambivalence about something is well-known, a person will think that their personal relationship somehow mitigates your dislike for something.

It does not. Shannon would find that out the hard way.

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

This is a case where stereotyping could have helped Shannon avoid the aggravation she had to go through. She should have known not only was she asking David to help her with something that he had not emotional connection to but that he may even hold a repugnance for cats. I was reminded of how I feel when put-upon by someone… AKA for instance, would ask me to help out with different things that she already knew that I was not going to be ‘up’ for. Our understanding was that if I assented to help out, that meant that I would be on board to giving my level best to accomplish the task, no matter how unpleasant I may find it.

What I don’t understand is how some people can find it so utterly perplexing a trait when they should know me well enough to be aware of my capacity to compartmentalize my own feelings and to do what I am called upon to do. That was what made Nebraska showing up in Chicago so important. It was not a secret that I did not want go because the cost of travel and lodging was going to put me in a pinch financially and this is for a person that I can imagine (happily) not having any contact with them for as long as I may live. She needed to see how I define my own sense of responsibility with her own eyes.


I could be called resentful… but it isn’t of what other’s have or what wasn’t done in certain relationships. I become resentful when a person is unable to reconcile their more broad assumptions of what kind of person I am with the person that actually emerges once we start to discover about one another. Usually, that is preceded by indications that they would have at another time in society say things like ‘all of this kind of people…’ or ‘all men are…’, and follow it with an equally unimaginative argument to bolster their idiocy… a la Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachman. They have been allowed to repeat their misinformed ideas and have found confirmation in their less inerudite (that is a double word score!!) friends and eventually accept their invalid ideas as factual.

Thanks but no thanks.  Unlike shipping, going through that part of getting to know a new person again would be hard!  When I think about why I considered ‘recycling’ a relationship it wasn't just that Tee Jay 'got me' as well as I could have hoped that a person would.  And it wasn't that I thought that it was all over for me was it for me when we broke up. Now that I am here and growing comfortable more and more by the day with Omaha, I could see myself ‘in’ something more like a relationship… but there is no rush on when or who.

It is more that I won't be doing any 'active pinging' to find a person to...  well, I mean that I won't look for no 'kissin' cousin' or random encounter that turns into a roll in the hay. 


mrs. miss alaineus said...

i'm glad you had someone to celebrate with out there, and i am always a fan of utilitarian gift exchanges!

be well.


Miss.Stefanie said...

So glad you had someone to share Christmas with!

Myra said...

I would much rather have a gift I can use, than one I have no idea what to do with! Thats when re-gifting comes in! Glad you had a very good Christmas. Love your new blog look!

Toon said...

I first read "griddle" as "girdle" and thought..."Really?". ;)

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sounds like a nice Christmas, as for the rest, I will let it rest.